I’ve had a really hard feeding journey and I’m honestly feeling like I failed and I’m struggling with a lot of guilt.
My baby had a severe tongue tie and we had a really difficult start with breastfeeding. Latching was a huge struggle, but we worked so hard at it and eventually got the tongue tie released. By around 3 weeks, we were exclusively breastfeeding, except for overnight feeds where he’d take a bottle.
I’m now about 2 weeks away from going back to work, and last week we realized he was really struggling to take a bottle. He’s now almost refusing it completely, which obviously won’t work once I’m back at work. I’ve tried a lot—offering bottles after nursing, replacing feeds with bottles—but he still strongly prefers the breast. Even when he does take a bottle, if he’s had any nursing that day, it’s like he’s never seen one before.
On top of that, he’s a pretty inefficient nurser, so we’ve been stuck on the couch for long stretches of the day feeding. It’s been hard to get out of the house, follow any kind of schedule, or even lay him down for naps without him getting hungry again quickly.
After a lot of thought, I decided we needed to transition to bottles to help him get on a schedule, prepare him for a nanny, and give us both more structure in the day. Exclusive pumping wasn’t something I could realistically sustain, so we decided to move toward formula.
I was actually feeling okay about that decision because I had about 200 oz of frozen breast milk saved and thought we could still use that for a while. But then we found out my milk is high lipase, and he refuses it.
So now this journey has come to an earlier and more emotional end than I expected. I’m really struggling with guilt and grief over it. I miss breastfeeding a lot, and I’m also feeling like he’s been fussier since I stopped, almost like he’s upset or affected by the change. I know that may not be true, but it’s how it feels.
Has anyone been through something similar? Does it get easier emotionally? I’d really appreciate hearing other experiences.