Hey everyone,
(Tl;dr at the end)
I’ve been feeling lost the past few days since having my follow up with my OBGYN to discuss my hormone labs and my DEXA (bone density scan results).
The short answer is- my estrogen and testosterone are very low, my iron and ferritin are low (and were dismissed by my PCP), and I am borderline osteopenia (and have large family history of osteoporosis).
For context- I am super healthy and active, I do and perform aerial arts, I am an Emergency room nurse.
And the biggest thing to mention is that I am a childhood cancer survivor. I had AML (leukemia) at age 13 and it was brutal. I won’t get into the details and trauma and suffering the chemo caused, or the grief of losing my innocent childhood years, or the experience of entering high school freshman year as the bald cancer girl, but I’ll just say- I’ve been through some shit and came to acceptance with dying at age 13.
My pediatric oncology team “graduated” me at some point after remission and told me I would likely need repeat EKG & echos for a few years. They mentioned the biggest long term risks of my chemo were reproductive issues and cardiac issues, primarily they said I likely will be infertile. I was 13 and was like k cool, this means nothing to me right now. I was a kid.
Fast forward to now….Over the last 4 years I have experienced a plethora of symptoms that I dismissed or accepted as my reality- chronic fatigue, worsening of my depression, worsening of my ADHD symptoms, low iron, cystic acne, hand inflammation/dryness/peeling, GI issues, poor sleep.
Unfortunately I had never processed my cancer experience and heavily compartmentalized it and the trauma associated, to the point where I had just convinced myself that chapter was done and over. My current therapist, who does EMDR, pointed out my detachment from it and we started exploring it and WOW, I began experiencing so much grief and processing and this was about 2 months ago.
I was having random flushing and hot flashes a few months ago and kept joking to my bf that ‘I must be going through menopause’.
I never took much seriously about this thought because of my own morbid sense of humor after cancer and nursing career.
Long story short, my bf brought up the chemo and encouraged me to seek an OBGYN that was out of Kaiser network/private practice that would actually listen to and help me, which I did begrudgingly b/c I was dismissing my own experience. Truthfully I expected all my tests to come back normal and this just to yield no answers. Part of that is also due to being a woman and being gaslit so much in my own health care.
Now here I am, I turned 34 last week and 1 day later found out that I need to start lifelong HRT and have developed beginning osteopenia.
The plethora of emotions, grief, anger, female rage, reprocessing the trauma cancer caused has been A LOT.
I feel lost and realize I have no one to relate to about this. I DO have friends that are older and on HRT to talk to but not about the rest of the details.
I’m curious what starting estrogen patch and progesterone capsules was like for you? Is there anyone here that can speak to the experience of this in their early/mid 30’s?
TL;DR just diagnosed with perimenopause and borderline osteopenia in my mid 30’s and feeling a bit lost and sad about the reality of everything.