HI everyone- looking for some constructive advice regarding one of my close friends- will refer to her as G throughout this post. G and I met 10 years ago at work and developed a solid friendship outside of the office. We both still work on the same team and predominantly work remotely since Covid. We live about 45 min-1 hour apart now and travel together frequently, hang out with each other's friends, frequently go to dinner/drinks, and chat regularly on the phone. I value the friendship so am looking for ways to get ahead of some issues that are bubbling up.
In December, our manager approached me about the "opportunity" to temporarily manage another team to cover for someone on maternity leave while also continuing to do my regular job. He stated that this would provide a viable path for me to get promoted but did not come with any additional financial benefit to me in the interim. I accepted because I would like to continue to advance and wanted to see if I'd enjoy managing a team. It's been a lot of work and a tough balancing act, but so far, I'm enjoying the position and hoping it does lead to some positive career growth. G has been passive aggressive towards me ever since this started. At first, it was jabs here and there- "Huh you really seem to like that other team", "I could never like people who are such try hards", "doesn't it bother you how they're always asking questions just to look good in company meetings". I brushed it off and would tell her that I've enjoyed getting to work with another group and tried not to pay attention to it.
A month ago, we had a department wide onsite event. G complained extensively before the event about how much she hates our job and doesn't like our lead boss who was flying in from London. At the event, she appeared to be in good spirits though- she was friendly and extraverted with all the teams and even though I had saved her a seat at our department dinner, she opted to sit next to our London boss and spent the evening chatting with him. I was hoping we'd turned a corner in regard to how she was feeling (and making me feel) about work. A day later though, she confronted me that the onsite event was difficult for her and she was angry that I hadn't realized. I told her she seemed to enjoy the onsite event though and talking with everyone but apologized if I missed something I shouldn't have.
For further context, G was promoted over the summer. She already makes more money than I do and lives in an apartment her parents bought for her a few years ago. While I can't say I love my job, I need my job. I have no safety net and no help financially (don't expect to!). My parents are both immigrants who worked hard but never knew how to invest, my mom has MS, and I need to help them financially as well. I have a lot of internalized pressure to make sure I not only keep my job during these turbulent economic times but also that I continue to grow with the company. When G was promoted over the summer, I planned a dinner for our mutual friends to celebrate her. I was so happy and wanted her to know that there are many life moments we should champion for our friends- not just marriage and kids. We are both single in our mid 30s so I fully understand that that can feel lonely at times.
I was just brushing the jabs she was making at me and trying to be supportive about how unhappy she feels at work. However, a comment here and there has extended into periods of passive aggressiveness both around work and when we are just casually hanging out. She's made a few comments to me that she expected more from her friends in helping her find a partner and that the on average two times a month I drive an hour to hang out with her is not enough. She's been criticizing my personality, my character, and simplifying real things I'm going through into- "you're extraverted, life is just easier for you". It's making me dread talking to her or really censoring what I'm saying so now I'm only talking about Bravo shows with her. I used to always be so excited to spend time with my friend and we've had many wonderful, deep conversations, memories, and experiences throughout the years. I don't want to discount all the good times because we are in a rough place at the moment and am hoping to find a way to speak with her where I can be honest about how I feel. In the past when we've brushed up against issues like this and I've tried to talk to her about a comment she's made towards me, I somehow always end up apologizing.
Any advice on how to handle this in an authentic manner that is still respectful of a close friendship?