u/Low_Television_1199

Yesterday was a rough day for me and i barely ate. i couldn’t feel my toes and fingers. I was sweating and clammy and shaking. my heart was racing and it felt like my head was being squished and there was a ringing in my ear.. constantly. I couldn’t focus and my stomach hurt so bad.

I’m also a nursing student, which is kinda funny because I know exactly what all this means, but i’m almost addicted to that feeling, the empty stomach and dizziness. Anyone else?

This probably sounds insane but I was so proud of myself. I had BED/BN before this (i have lit no self control around food) so i was pretty proud of the self control yesterday (although i thought i was gonna explode)

Today I already ate bagel and it’s only noon. I’m so mad at myself. I’m kinda jealous of the ppl who have such good self control over this kinda stuff.

It’s not fair how other people get to life live healthy and eat normal food and be happy and skinny. Not even like the ppl that eat whatever they want and are skinny, but just the people who can eat without counting it and without guilt. Da the sight of food makings me get sweaty and nervous and want to cry. I just want to like the way I look. I just want to think about food like a normal person does. Does anyone else wonder what it feels like? To eat food just because and not feel guilty?

this is my first time on reddit lol i didn’t know what else to do, and i can’t really talk to anyone at home about it so i figured there would be people on here to talk to and who would understand.

I think im slipping. I am on vyvanse (it’s kinda like adderall for ppl who don’t know) which is an appetite suppressant, but used mainly for ADHD. I have/had? binge eating disorder and my endocrinologist put me on this. I found that it makes me not hungry and not think about food (it’s what it does,duh) and i find myself just taking pill after pill just to not feel hunger so i wont eat and today was my first day that i ate only 100 calories (it’s kinda a big deal for me lol i love to eat) and I felt like literal shit but it felt so much better then the guilt of eating.

I have a therapist, but i’m scared to say anything because i don’t want the vyvane to get taken away. I can’t tell my mom bc im away at college and also there’s not much she can do anyways, it would just worry her for nothing. I can’t tell my friends because they wouldn’t understand an i would feel like a pick me for some reason, and i don’t want their pity or their different looks.

I’m not sure why i’m posting this to be honest. I think you guys in here are going through/gone thru the same thing as me, and you understand.

If anyone wants to talk too I would really like that. Idk how dming works on here lol but please do. I feel alone and scared.