Can you rate my poem?
Hii I wrote this poem a while ago, English is not my first language but I’m currently majoring in English literature in my country. I want some feedback from some of you who are native speakers. I love poetry and I love writing in my language but I’m not sure if I have the knack for it. Anyways, here is the poem
The Story Between the Sun and the Moon
you shall come forth to me, my darling, come
for I possess a purpose high and great
what need have I of what you would become
when all you are must yield before my state?
my dear, you err, for you perceive me not
nor know the quiet labor that is mine
I move the seas in ways that you have not
and guide the lost with but a borrowed shine
yet none give thanks, nor speak of what I do
they take my light as though it were their due
my darling, what say you?
think you I’m blind?
you speak of power yet I see no proof
you promise light, yet shadows trail behind
your gentle glow seems fragile, faint, aloof
and tell me this, those tides you claim to sway,
are those really your works, or words you merely say? come closer darling, let me look on you
you know I cannot, dear, you know this well
when you arise, I fade beyond your view
It is my place in absence still to dwell
yet do not think that absence renders small
the weight of what I am, though unseen by all
there will come a day I shall not hide
but shine so bright no gaze may bear my light
and you, my love, who never stood beside
shall find me far too radiant for sight