u/Low_Anxiety700

So today I learned that in Nairobi, even being broke can almost get you into trouble.

I’m at the stage waiting for a matatu, doing that thing where you pretend you’re not broke but deep down you’re calculating whether you can walk halfway 😅

Then a random guy comes up to me looking stressed:

“Bro, uko na change ya 1k? Niko na haraka sana.”

Now me, a certified member of the “under 100 bob association,” I tell him, “Zii boss, sina.”

He looks disappointed, then suddenly switches strategy.

“Basi shikilia hii 1k, nikuje na change.”

🚩🚩🚩

Why are you giving me money? I look like a bank to you?? 😭

Before I can even answer, another guy appears (because apparently these characters move in pairs like Bluetooth devices).

“Uyo ni mjanja sana, si ukampea 900 akubakishie 100.”

At this point I’m confused. I don’t have 900. I don’t even have 90. I barely have 50 😭

So I tell them, “Mimi sina pesa bana.”

Now they both just stare at me like I’ve disappointed them personally. One even says,

“Wewe hutaki kusaidia mtu.”

SIR?? I’m trying to survive myself 😭

I slowly start backing away, and the first guy tries to insist:

“Chukua tu, harakisha.”

That’s when I just turned and walked off like my ancestors were guiding me.

Guys… Nairobi will try to involve you in transactions you didn’t budget for.

Moral of the story:

If someone is trying too hard to give you money… just know you are the product 😂

Stay safe out here, and may your 50 bob never be targeted 🙏🏾

Rise of tyranny