Very recently I found myself realizing that, I might not be the best of people. Never thought I was anyway honestly because of some esteem issue.
But honestly, I've always put emphasis on trying to be kind to others and stuff, trying to do the polite thing. Now, small things like giving seat to someone in bus comes naturally to me to the point I've started feeling guilty if I'm sitting when someone else is standing.
However, at times I feel like I've just become performative. I mean sure, I do these things because I genuinely think it's the right thing to do, but I'm often left wondering if I'm maybe not as nice and I've convinced myself that any actions that was done was out of internalized guilt.
Recently after a tussle with my younger brother, which I've gotten in more detail in another post, I've begun internalizing everything that has happened and decided that perhaps the strive for improvement has made me self centered.
Honestly it's nothing dramatic or anything, I just want to become a better person and in a way that is healthy to everyone who would be impacted by decisions made in process of doing so.
I do believe processing everything and properly giving apologies to people I believe I've wronged would be the right way to start, starting with my brother.
But I also want to be mindful of any overthinking and do better at regulating my emotions when approaching people prodding them about anything in particular with the apologies and not pretend I'm a victim of anything.
So how does one go about becoming a better person? Is there a proper way to regulate your emotions and process your thoughts before you begin trying to do so? Do you think there are any resources that helps in this journey?