u/Low-Wedding-7960

In SW/SH

I’m in 11th grade right now and in the middle of AP exams. I’ve had my GERD at a disabling level for almost a year now, but before that I barely drank coffee since I didn’t have any AP classes. This year, I pulled my first all-nighter, went from 8 hours of sleep on average to about 4, and met the horrifying realization that this is just what high school does to people. All my friends feel the same way. However, all my friends have coffee daily, with zero issue. I’ve noticed something. On the day of a test, I can be prepared, awake, or painless. Never all three. Get a good nights sleep, I haven’t studied and I get a 0 on the study guide worth more than the test. Stay up late and drink coffee, acid reflux, tummy ache. Stay up late and rawdog, I’m exhausted. I’ve heard college will be worse. How do I even do this? The drug that everyone needs to function in society makes me feel like I’m constantly about to throw up.

Last year was my first year of band and I really felt like I found my element. I remember being in such a good mood after every day of band camp when all my friends were exhausted. I had my first game a month into the school year, but when I got home, my mom was on my ass about some stuff I don’t want to get into. She decided to pull me out of marching band and refuse to let me audition for the play. I saw a recording of the band playing without me. The hole I belonged in looked awful.

I’m scared about next year. My dad has promised to take her to court to get full custody of me if she pulls this again, but that’s a lengthy process. My band doesn’t do competitions or anything, but I’d still be letting everyone down if I got pulled out. I’m not sure if my happiness is worth the risk.