u/Low-Slide4376

I've fallen away from God big time. Everyone I tell this to jus says "oh well jus pray more or go to church! Read your Bible!" And obviously those are things we need to do, but it's more complicated than that. I'm here for a reason, not jus because I'm going through a dry spell of not feeling God's presence. I pushed him away. I continued to do things that the holy spirit was convicting me about , and i no longer feel him or the peace that comes with him. I now feel spiritually dead and like I can't come back to God.

It jus isn't true that God doesn't withdrawl from people due to rebellion or disobedience, King saul is an example of this...

There are scriptures in the book of HEBREWS and also 2 PETER that describe people who once walked with Jesus, but who fell back into sinful patterns... and one of them LITERALLY says it's impossible to restore one who does this...I know I know.. "if you're feeling bad or worried about it than you can still repent." And I honestly want that to be true, but I jus dont believe it, despite wanting to. In the same book HEBREWS mentions the man esau, who was deeply upset about losing his spot to be close with God, he was upset, crying, and God didn't grant him repentance...

Idk what I'm expecting posting all this, cuz I know everyone has got their own opinions or interpretation..

Idk anymore I jus feel doomed to be separated from God forever because of this. Don't be like me. Turn from your sin. All I'm really good for anymore is warning others, that your sin will destroy you if you don't give it up. Listen to your conscience. It's trying to warn you of disaster, it's not jus a good suggestion.

Are there any pastors in this group? I need some advice. I've been dealing with depression ans feeling distant from God for months now and it hurts so bad. I can't function as a person anymore. I feel spiritually dead and its scaring me. If you're a pastor please comment down on this post so I can talk or maybe direct message you. I need guidance. Please help.

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20 If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and are overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. 21 It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. 22 Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,”[g] and, “A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.”

Istarted to do better when I first received the holy spirit by believing in Jesus. Had some real progress in getting rid of other sins. But I clung onto my smoking addiction and now ive pushed him away and hes gone.. I jus couldn't let Go of it and now im paying the price. I'm like 80% sure I'm going to Hell now. Extreme depression, i feel hollow and dead on the inside. Never thought this is where things were gonna go, I thought I was on the path to things finally starting to turn around but I was wrong and blind. I hate myself for doing this. I've ruined everything. I want to go back and change things but obviously that's not possible. People say "you wouldn't be worried about it if you committed the unpardonable sin your heart would be hardened" and I jus dont think that's true. Im terrified and I know God is real and will send people who play with sin to hell.

Anyone else out there experienced/experiencing having God remove his spirit from them ? Pretty sure that's what's happened to me. How do i go on living? You literally dont ever feel relaxation or peace. Constantly tormented in my mind about all my mistakes and failures to walk with God how i should have when he gave me the chance. I feel dead inside now after ignoring conviction to stop partaking in sin. He gave me a long time of patience and conviction that i ignored over and over again.

Whats crazy is Even now that ive stopped what i was doing , the feeling hasnt lifted. I've actually been getting worse. I don't ever have peace of mind anymore. I constantly think about hell.... I'm like 80% thinking I'm gonna end up there when I die. I fumbled hard in walking with the Lord. I'm worthless in God's eyes. I really have no hope and don't ever think this is gonna get better. My last resort is to try a therapist or mental institution or something idk...even tho I kinda already feel like that won't help. I'm exhausted. I never thought I would end up like this.

I want to use this experience to AT LEAST warn people. Its really all im good for now... If you have sin in your life that you're feeling convicted about but don't want to let it go, You better run from it as hard as you can. Resist it. Don't give in. It's a matter of life and death. That peace or satisfaction you're looking for is on the other side of your obedience to God's spirit prompting you to stop your sin. If you continue in it , it WILL destroy you. Don't play games with God. Don't make the mistake I did.

This is so terrible you do not want to go through it.

I have ZERO peace. I'm constantly battling heavy depression, confusion, from the moment i wake up till i go to bed. Even my dreams are nightmares and mess with me. EVERY... NIGHT... and I feel spiritually sick. My heart actually physically aches at the thought of what I've done to myself. I know that I brought this onto myself. God has to judge sin , i cant be mad at or blame him. The book of Hebrews warns about this. I didn't wanna let go of things from my past life. If you're a Christian struggling with letting go of old habits or addictions... you better start thinking about what it would be like to no longer have God with you with the offer of helping you if you resist and wait on him. He's patient but only for a while. His patience with people runs out eventually. Fight HARD to refuse temptation. Don't cave in. Wait on him. He promises to bless and to renew the strength of those that do. I didn't, I caved in every time I wanted to get high , I put it before him and relied on drugs for peace instead of him. Now he's left me to deal with it all on my own.

All I'm good for now is to try and warn other people. Take it seriously. It's a matter of life and death. Don't become a cautionary tale. It's the craziest feeling knowing that God is real , but no longer sharing in his peace or blessings. It's like being on the other side of a glass wall jus watching everything you've ever desired or wanted on the other side and you can't get to it, knowing you had the chance to have it and have peace, but now you can't.