u/Lotus_Mama_Diaries

I have a diagnosed mental illness. Prior to this diagnosis I made some serious mistakes, hell I can even admit that YES I made mistakes afterwards too while figuring out treatment and meds. I’m still not perfect but I’m also far removed from my worst behaviors.

Lately I almost have more respect and dare I say gratitude for the people who have hurt me by choosing to remove themselves from my life than the people who have stuck around but keep constantly rubbing my past actions in my face.

Does it SUCK to lose friends completely because they were upset about things I said and did when I was having a very hard time? Yes. Obviously.

But it also really monumentally sucks to have people who act like they’re standing by me and act like they are compassionate and understanding about my struggles with mental illness and act like they believe in me…only for them to continually use my mental illness to shame me, doubt me, guilt trip me, or otherwise throw things in my face.

And it’s not like I’m asking people to forget something that happened recently (or forget anything at all for that matter) but I’m asking that people who CHOOSE to stay in my life and SAY they are standing by me to move on from mistakes I made A LONG TIME ago and stop throwing them in my face and using them as tools to try to control my CURRENT choices.

Like, you’re supposed to be in my corner but you’re telling me that you can’t give me the benefit of the doubt TODAY because of something I said when I was having a horrendous mental time YEARS ago?

You’re supposedly my friend who has compassion about my mental illness but you tell me you “don’t want to take sides” when someone who you’re not even friends with (and who has been proven to have it out for me) accuses me of something that I’m telling you I didn’t do.

You claim to be part of my support system but when I tell you that I’m struggling with something your FIRST reaction is to tell me that you won’t hesitate to report me to the police and “to my potential victims” if you think I might “be in a dangerous place”.

And like, I AM and have been sorry for any stress I’ve caused the people in my life who’ve stood by me, and I AM grateful for them standing by me through it. But at what point am I done being punished? At what point does it stop being appropriate for people who are meant to support me to “call me out” and remind me of things I’ve done wrong and tell me that they don’t trust me?

And what point should I tell them to get out of my life if this is how they feel about me?

Lately I almost have more respect and dare I say gratitude for the people who have hurt me by choosing to remove themselves from my life than the people who have stuck around but keep constantly rubbing my past actions in my face.

Does it SUCK to lose friends completely because they were upset about things I said and did when I was having a very hard time? Yes. Obviously.

But it also really monumentally sucks to have people who act like they’re standing by me and act like they are compassionate and understanding about my struggles with mental illness and act like they believe in me…only for them to continually use my mental illness to shame me, doubt me, guilt trip me, or otherwise throw things in my face.

And it’s not like I’m asking people to forget something that happened recently (or forget anything at all for that matter) but I’m asking that people who CHOOSE to stay in my life and SAY they are standing by me to move on from mistakes I made A LONG TIME ago and stop throwing them in my face and using them as tools to try to control my CURRENT choices.

Like, you’re supposed to be in my corner but you’re telling me that you can’t give me the benefit of the doubt TODAY because of something I said when I was having a horrendous mental time YEARS ago?

You’re supposedly my friend who has compassion about my mental illness but you tell me you “don’t want to take sides” when someone who you’re not even friends with (and who has been proven to have it out for me) accuses me of something that I’m telling you I didn’t do.

You claim to be part of my support system but when I tell you that I’m struggling with something your FIRST reaction is to tell me that you won’t hesitate to report me to the police and “to my potential victims” if you think I might “be in a dangerous place”.

And like, I AM and have been sorry for any stress I’ve caused the people in my life who’ve stood by me, and I AM grateful for them standing by me through it. But at what point am I done being punished? At what point does it stop being appropriate for people who are meant to support me to “call me out” and remind me of things I’ve done wrong and tell me that they don’t trust me?

And what point should I tell them to get out of my life if this is how they feel about me?