u/Lostintheisle

I'm in a difficult situation and would appreciate perspective from people who've been through something similar, either side of the table.

Background: About five weeks ago I verbally accepted a job offer — the role was a good fit, the team seemed great, and the HoU supported my candidacy throughout the process. No contract signed yet, but the hiring side has been processing paperwork, admin steps have been completed, and my start date is roughly three weeks away.

The complication: A separate process I had been in for months — which had been on hold and then unexpectedly resumed — progressed faster than anticipated. I've now been offered a position elsewhere. Objectively it's a better opportunity; FGIV vs FGIII.

I haven't signed anything. Legally I can walk away. But:

• HoU went out of their way to support me from first interview
• The hiring side has invested time and administrative effort
• The start date is in three weeks
• I feel genuinely bad about it
• They need someone ASAP, and I will derail that significantly by walking away

Questions for anyone who's been here:

1. Has anyone backed out of a verbal acceptance this close to a start date? How did you handle the conversation?
2. Has anyone been the hiring manager on the receiving end? How did you actually feel about it afterwards, and did it permanently affect how you viewed that person?
3. Is there anything beyond being direct, honest and apologetic that genuinely helps in this conversation?
4. Does this kind of thing damage professional relationships long term in close-knit professional circles, or do people generally move on?

I'm in a difficult situation and would appreciate perspective from people who've been through something similar, either side of the table.

Background: About five weeks ago I verbally accepted a job offer — the role was a good fit, the team seemed great, and someone senior personally supported my candidacy throughout the process. No contract signed yet, but the hiring side has been processing paperwork, admin steps have been completed, and my start date is roughly three weeks away.

The complication: A separate process I had been in for months — which had been on hold and then unexpectedly resumed — progressed faster than anticipated. I've now been offered a position elsewhere. Objectively it's a better opportunity: higher seniority level, better salary, and a stronger fit for the direction I want my career to go.

I haven't signed anything. Legally I can walk away. But:

• Someone senior went out of their way to support me
• The hiring side has invested time and administrative effort
• The start date is close
• I feel genuinely bad about it
• They need someone ASAP, and I will derail that significantly by walking away

Questions for anyone who's been here:

1. Has anyone backed out of a verbal acceptance this close to a start date? How did you handle the conversation?
2. Has anyone been the hiring manager on the receiving end? How did you actually feel about it afterwards, and did it permanently affect how you viewed that person?
3. Is there anything beyond being direct, honest and apologetic that genuinely helps in this conversation?
4. Does this kind of thing damage professional relationships long term in close-knit professional circles, or do people generally move on?

The small world aspect is what weighs on me most. I'll almost certainly cross paths with these people again professionally.

I know it's the right decision. I just don't love the person I have to be to get there.

I'm in a difficult situation and would appreciate perspective from people who've been through something similar, either side of the table.

Background: About five weeks ago I verbally accepted a job offer — the role was a good fit, the team seemed great, and someone senior personally supported my candidacy throughout the process. No contract signed yet, but the hiring side has been processing paperwork, admin steps have been completed, and my start date is roughly three weeks away.

The complication: A separate process I had been in for months — which had been on hold and then unexpectedly resumed — progressed faster than anticipated. I've now been offered a position elsewhere. Objectively it's a better opportunity: higher seniority level, better salary, and a stronger fit for the direction I want my career to go.

I haven't signed anything. Legally I can walk away. But:

• Someone senior went out of their way to support me
• The hiring side has invested time and administrative effort
• The start date is close
• I feel genuinely bad about it
• They need someone ASAP, and I will derail that significantly by walking away

Questions for anyone who's been here:

1. Has anyone backed out of a verbal acceptance this close to a start date? How did you handle the conversation?
2. Has anyone been the hiring manager on the receiving end? How did you actually feel about it afterwards, and did it permanently affect how you viewed that person?
3. Is there anything beyond being direct, honest and apologetic that genuinely helps in this conversation?
4. Does this kind of thing damage professional relationships long term in close-knit professional circles, or do people generally move on?

The small world aspect is what weighs on me most. I'll almost certainly cross paths with these people again professionally.

I know it's the right decision. I just don't love the person I have to be to get there.

I'm in a difficult situation and would appreciate perspective from people who've been through something similar, either side of the table.

Background: About five weeks ago I verbally accepted a job offer — the role was a good fit, the team seemed great, and someone senior personally supported my candidacy throughout the process. No contract signed yet, but the hiring side has been processing paperwork, admin steps have been completed, and my start date is roughly three weeks away.

The complication: A separate process I had been in for months — which had been on hold and then unexpectedly resumed — progressed faster than anticipated. I've now been offered a position elsewhere. Objectively it's a better opportunity: higher seniority level, better salary, and a stronger fit for the direction I want my career to go.

I haven't signed anything. Legally I can walk away. But:

• Someone senior went out of their way to support me
• The hiring side has invested time and administrative effort
• The start date is close
• I feel genuinely bad about it
• They need someone ASAP, and I will derail that significantly by walking away

Questions for anyone who's been here:

1. Has anyone backed out of a verbal acceptance this close to a start date? How did you handle the conversation?
2. Has anyone been the hiring manager on the receiving end? How did you actually feel about it afterwards, and did it permanently affect how you viewed that person?
3. Is there anything beyond being direct, honest and apologetic that genuinely helps in this conversation?
4. Does this kind of thing damage professional relationships long term in close-knit professional circles, or do people generally move on?

The small world aspect is what weighs on me most. I'll almost certainly cross paths with these people again professionally.

I know it's the right decision. I just don't love the person I have to be to get there.