u/Longjumping_Pause231

WHY I AM AN ATHEIST ?

CHAPTER 1 : JUST FOLLOWING RULES

Until 2019 , (Before 2019 , I barely recall what I was doing in my life) I was an indoctrinated Hindu child , I believed because parents told me to , read the astrology column for my grandmother , participated in all rituals., reluctantly .

Even my name was of a Hindu incarnation .

Partially torn , decade old calendars on walls of my house , just because they had a Hindu God's picture on them and now could not be removed or recycled.

A fixed time to open the lights of the mini-temple and a fixed time to close it , my duty .

Some level of superstition , especially followed by my mother and grandmother(Chickens supporting KFC) .

Some of my family members had miserable views on Muslims(declared Outsiders) .

I was slightly religious but more secular , as it was more comfortable as a child , but a theist.

CHAPTER 2: THE SPARK OF REBELLION

I scored high in History exams and took great interest in the subject . I read the Renaissance Chapter in Class 7's history book and was inspired by the thinkers and reformists who questioned the church

I began to question Hindu theology and the Muslim and the Christian one and all were simply impossible to believe for any sane mind.

I developed the mentality "Religion is good but it is being misused "when I looked at all the news of riots and hateful speeches being forwarded in religious groups and since I had watched movies OMG and PK , that's all I had till then .

CHAPTER 3: A CARTOON SHOW SOMEHOW KINDLED THE SPARK

There was a Cartoon Show "Haddi Mera Buddy" on Cartoon Network(Billy and Mandy , internationally) . I became fond of Haddi ,(he was declared king of hell in the cartoon , parody of Grim Reaper) .

I liked the Boney Creature , his (NANA PATEKAR STYLE DUBBING ) voice , his wise clever acts in cartoon. I began writing creative fan works and drew HADDI and more Boney figures.

I was obsessed and then one day , my friends asked me regarding it , saying it's fake and just cartoon that idea hurt me , literally , I refused and declared that he is king of hell (FUCKING OBSESSION of a 14 YEAR OLD) .

We debated and he mocked me in front of others regarding same ,YAMA is GOD of NARK(hell) , another friend told me ,I refused again and he asked "What proof do you have?" and in a outburst I replied "TERE YAMLOK KA KYA SABOOT HAI?"(What is proof of Yam Lok?) , he thought , but then replied , "SACH HAI , APNE PAPA SE PUCHNA(It's true , ask your Dad)" .

So that was the spark ,I asked not just my father but also ,the other elders I knew and got answers like "PURANO MEIN LIKHA HAI" , "PADHAI KARO , BAS"(It's written in Purans ; Just Study your syllabus) , so yeah ,I went and researched a bit on HADDI and on Grim Reaper .

Grim Reaper was now a cartoon clearly and now YAMA too was type of a cartoon with no proof of controlling hell

Same year , I was once mocked in entire classroom for refusing God's existence , and that further told me ,either I was a fool or they all were but I was not sure , yet .

CHAPTER 4: BUBBLE OF COMFORTABLE IGNORANCE WAS FADING AWAY(2020-2022)

I became a very secular person and a simple theist who believed in a creator and believed all religion were man-made but God was one(same as what I was taught at school) , I was slightly titled towards Buddhism and Jainism because they did not claim God's existence

I looked at the superstitions and rebelled asking for the reason behind it , but no real replies(No harm , so just do it was the answer).

I visited my Muslim neighbour's house on Eid along with my Hindu friends for the first time , it was fine ,no discrimination ,it felt no different than going to meet my Hindu friends on Holi. We played PUBG together. Their WIFI had great speed and I took the password.

One after One , all Gods made no sense , Earlier I had laughed at Allah splitting the Moon , now my reaction was same when I heard Earth resting on Sheshnaag . The "SELECTIVELY PERMEABLE MEMBRANE OF RELIGION" was torn , I could clearly spot stupidity in each religion.

The cheap TV serials where Devta and Devi had nothing to do except gossiping and hailing Indra or Vishnu's incarnations , and spectating everything that went with protagonist on Earth , and the sitcoms where a goddess would intervene continuously for one devotee(SANTOSHI MATA) ,what a pathetic mockery of core Hinduism and this shit was watched by Hindus without question , sometimes with folded hands.

News full of Hindu Muslim Debates on evening time had a Maulana and a Pandit , both of them ,I never wanted to meet in real life. My family's interest in their debate was alarming ,luckily BJP Government's certain economic decisions seriously made my entire family hate BJP and I was happy ,the Evening News was replaced with a comedy sitcom .

I looked back at the COVID death tolls, India , Islamic nations , USA , death was everywhere ,where was God? I wondered but didn't go further , I had projects , VIVAs , BOARD exams and a lot of time was spent on PC games(I don't regret that, though) .

CHAPTER 5: MOTHER NATURE(2022-2024)

I got interested in cosmology and Universe's endless size and variety of heavenly bodies terrified and amazed me ,I had read and understood both Big Bang and Evolution of Life too now ,the creator belief was over

Even when nothing hinted at existence of God , just believing that death is truly the end and inevitable was hard , I lay on my terrace and looked at clouds moving slowly ,I thought of death , I had been thinking since years and just believing the harsh truth seemed impossible , so I went romantic and basically pantheist ,declared entire Universe , especially the night sky as Mother Nature .

I used to go to my terrace , often with as much devotion as , theists have when they go to worship ,I walked alone on terrace , talked my heart out to MOTHER NATURE , it was very much comforting to just call it my God ,I truly felt what some theists feel ; connection , comfort and peace.

The puberty years had led to some other personal things too so romanticism and delusion further increased as the need to question and research reduced. And thanks to the very busy school hours , that further kept me away from very necessary facts and reasons .

CHAPTER 6: ABSOLUTE ATHEISM (2025-Present)

School was over , and many of the personal connections were history for good or bad , I won't narrate that now .

But I felt strong urge to talk my heart out and my best friend came to my rescue usually via late night calling from the terrace , we talked for several hours . So when I used to call , and when he would hang up , I tried to remain on the terrace but failed ,the sky was silent , MOTHER NATURE seemed to be missing because I had talked a lot to a real person , now the delusion faded , MOTHER NATURE was over , I used to bow before it ,literally on terrace ,now it ceased to exist ,just silence and clouds drifting.

Jainism was full of Rubbish claims , and Buddhism though less bullshit , had unfounded claims ,Sikhism too had a God ,some Chinese religions like Taoism were similar to Pantheism and my "MOTHER NATURE " delusion .

I tried to hold the bubble of comfortable ignorance ,researched , talked to some people I knew ,debated with chatbots and increased my knowledge.

I was preparing for Government jobs , so a lot of GK and facts went in my head. Reasoning too was a subject and I got whole weeks full of free research , one second reading "DARWINISM" on Wikipedia and next second , trying to solve 'Problem of Evil'.

Reasoning , empiricism and leftism soon took over me and everything now seemed consistent ,and the truth was harsh.

THE BUBBLE exploded , completely .

There was no God ,no souls and ghosts ,death was inevitable and the end of consciousness ,morality was subjective and not inherent ,good and evil were man-made things , randomness and Science was Universe's language ,now I could just lie back on terrace and think of death ,and be blank for half an hour.

My Ego was lost.

I regretted misbehaving with some colleagues in past.

Whenever I looked at anyone flexing Iphone , Bike , Packages ,I didn't feel a bit of jealousy ,all was fine . Nihilism was increasing and so I found my own meaning = Antitheism , very few things feel better than debating religious IIIs(Ignorant Illogical Idiots).

Curiosity took over and now I yearned for more understanding of Universe as whole and getting a life out of the world became important , I have qualified Preliminary exam of a clerical Government exam , would get the job today or tomorrow(metaphorical) .

Anyways , while a lot of hostility often comes from Hindu friends only or say What is left of Hindu friends ,thanks to Corruption of Hinduism at hands of RSS. I do debate them , I managed to make my best friend from Hindu to Hindu Atheist(basically delusion like MOTHER NATURE).

I consider it my comfort and selfishness to make a life out of this so called "DEMOCRACY" but would do my best to promote atheism , indirectly because spreading truth gives comfort to my mind and seems like a very humane and moral act .

GOD = Greatest Obsolete Delusion , remain sane , remain safe.

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