Life
Ever since I was diagnosed with metastatic thyroid cancer at 23, it changed me and it changed how I view life completely. The always having to live in uncertainty and constantly asking why did this have to become my life? Thyroid cancer opened my eyes and made me truly realize how life can really change in an instant, how fragile we really are.
I never asked to have this cancer, but it forced me to choose. Let it break you or let it build you.
Thyroid cancer made me question if God is real and why would he allow this? But maybe, the hard thing to hear is, maybe if this didn’t happen, I would’ve never became the person I was meant to be.
But then again, why? Why me?
And yes, I do grieve my old self… a lot. Because when I look back even when I don’t want to, I look at her and think you didn’t deserve this.
I’m only 23. I shouldn’t have to worry about appointments, results, the what ifs constantly. I wish I could worry about stupid stuff like going out, what to wear, etc.
Thyroid cancer made me feel misunderstood. The exhaustion of explaining how it’s not a good cancer. And like how many other cancer patients experience pain, so do we. The diagnosis, the scars, the isolation, and wondering if treatments worked at all. It really does affect you. Sometimes it feels like I don’t know who I am anymore. My sense of identity and innocence was shaken.
Thyroid cancer also forced me to pause. Enjoy the little things and not live life so fast. That’s the problem in the United States. Everyone lives so fast. It made me more grateful for everything I have, even sometimes being able to eat what I want when I don’t have to do low iodine diets.
But despite all this, I’m still here. And maybe that’s enough for now.