Shrooms changed how I think for the better
Last week I decided to take shrooms for the first time in over a year. It was awful I literally curled into a ball and just cried and wailed for like 5 hours, I couldn't stop I just felt completely hopeless, alone, and helpless, I couldn't stop thinking about how I just can't cope with life. I took more a few days later and at first it was same thing, I could not stop crying but then I did just stop. I started thinking, why am I doing this to myself? I have to cope, I don't have another option. I've had depression since I was 12-13, I'm 18 now and until now I've never really felt like it would ever get better, but now I feel completely different. I felt for the longest time like nothing was real, like I'm playing a video game, my brain was super foggy all the time and I had no confidence at all. But now I feel like I'm actually here, I deserve to be here and I feel hopeful about my future. My head feels emptier in a good way, like my brain has been decluttered. My room is cleaned up now, for the first time in a long time. My mood in general the past few days is so much better and it shows in my social interactions, I've been worrying less about being judged or disliked and I'm more present in conversations. I have plans to hang out with a friend for the first time in almost 2 years. I've also started journaling to try and keep this going and not slip into my old mindset. I feel like a capable, normal person for pretty much the first time ever. Sorry this is formatted so bad I just wrote this out as I was thinking, and I'm not too good at describing feelings.