Neglecting the basics
Hi everyone. A few years ago I hit a turning point in my practice. I had been dating, but couldn't get "into it" like before. I saw how I and the other person were just running through our scripts, playing out the same old act in order to impress each other and get what we wanted from the other person or hope for relationship. I went on several dates with several men. Nothing was wrong with any of them, I just had lost any spark or interest because I was seeing what we were doing in such a different and more objective kind of way. My own inner mental patterns were the most eye opening. At some point I just gave up because I knew I couldn't force myself to take to romantic relationships anymore.
Well fast forward a few years into where I am now. I've stopped attending to my appearance, and I've also dropped my lifelong habit/obsession with fitness, maintaining a certain weight, and optimizing my health. I know that the motivation for this was coming from wanting external validation from others (and most especially potential romantic partners). That motivation isn't there anymore, and I've yet to be able to find a wholesome way to motivate myself to look after my health.
I see this as possibly a deeper issue, and a reflection on how much I do or don't care about myself, am willing to show up for myself, and build my self esteem without factoring in other people's opinions of me. I'm also aware that I'm going into my older years (I'm 39) and should try to maintain my physical mobility, strength, and zeal so I can have the potential to practice dhamma for a longer time. How can I cultivate wholesome motivation to build a habit of exercise and healthy eating? As it stands now, I'm overweight, unfit, and need to clean up my food choices.