My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October 2024. Her tumor is on the head of her pancreas and wrapped around her artery, so surgery was never on the table. We were told from the beginning that palliative care was the only option.
In the beginning, her first chemo infusion absolutely wrecked her. She was extremely sick, had 0 control of her bowels, and was hospitalized more times than I can count.
After about a year of that, her team switched her to a different type of chemo that was easier on her body and kept the cancer from growing, but it still took a serious toll on her. Most of her days were spent sleeping in her hospital bed at home, eating very little, and struggling to get around as she is very very weak. It wasnt good, but it was better than the first go around and we were keepijg the tumor from spreading, so she kept pushing through.
Over the past few months, there were several hospitalizations and extended stays at skilled nursing facilities to manage her pain and try to get her strength back.
When she came home most recently, I requested a one off conversation with her oncologist — I needed him to be straight with us. Would this cancer ever be operable? Or is the rest of her life going to be chemo, hospital beds, and 0 quality of life?
He decided to have this conversation with her while I was out of town. He recommended to move her to in-home hospice as due to the location of the tumor and her current health.. she wouldn’t be a candidate for chemo in his eyes. She was caught off guard by this and I think holding out hope that she would be cured. It broke me to hear her shock, but he explained to her that the chemo that she has been taking was really just to keep the cancer from spreading, and if she was still this sick with such little quality of life.. that she should consider quality of life > quantity of life.
I am struggling with what to feel. Part of me keeps asking: is this giving up? If she got stronger.. I took a leave from work, made sure she was eating, helped her exercise and rebuild her strength.. could she eventually become a candidate for the Whipple procedure? The tumor is still LA and has not spread.
I know I’m not a doctor. I just don’t know if I should be holding onto hope or if I’m in denial about what’s coming.
She’s home now and sleeping. I’m planning to stay with her as much as i can and work from her house.
I find myself staring at her and NEEDING to understand how much time I have left with her — and whether there’s anything more I could be doing. I’ll never forgive myself if there was something I could have done differently
I also don’t fully understand what comes next medically. Now that she’s off chemo, how quickly will the cancer spread? What do the days and weeks ahead typically look like for someone with locally advanced pancreatic cancer who has transitioned to hospice?
Some days she looks like it could be her last... others she’s up talking and sassing me around 😂
I just feel like I’m constantly holding my breath, and it’s crushing me.
Has anyone been through something similar? I’d really love to hear from others who have walked this road.