The witnesses have ruined my life and taken absolutely everything from me
I just need to rant. I genuinely have nobody to talk to. when I type away what's in my head some times I feel better. A while ago I met this girl at work. We are both young adults but still live with our parents. We started talking and we got along really well. Me living with a family as an unbeliever myself is a difficult and a double sided life. She asked me out, so I agreed despite knowing the consequences that this could entail, but I didn't care. She was worth it to me because we genuinely got along. We dated for about a year and we genuinely got really close. We even planned out life together and the future, what we wanted to do, where we wanted to go, living together, even marriage at one point. The more we dated though the deeper we got with things and where we went, I had to still live my double life, and in fact I had to play that double life game harder and harder the closer I got with her, that means I would sneak out of the house and pretend to go run some errands when really I was meeting her. We would go do bigger and bigger things for dates. I had to 'hide' this simply because my family and the congregation knowing if they were to know I was dating a worldly person would get me expelled from both the congregation and my family which is something im not ready to deal with yet.
She knew everything about my situation, and she was sympathetic. She understood and she was patient. She knew from my explanations what would happen to me if that circumstance would materialize. Today, she broke up with me. She's been silent lately and today she broke that silence and told me she couldn't handle our connection anymore, and I told her its okay and that I understand because its honestly hard to try and have a completely healthy relationship while managing the fear of my religious family background. and the same thoughts she had I also deal with. So I really sympathized with her and I was receptive, it genuinely hurt me that she is leaving me but I know her and she was honest, its better for her to move on because it was stressing her out indirectly which I totally understand. We left on very peaceful terms and I supported her decision because although painful I want the best for her and I dont want her staying loyal to a connection that's stressing her out and causing her emotional pain. I always was there for her and supported here and was the best I could be but it's honestly okay.
But you know, it didnt have to be this way. The witnesses did this to me.
I don't control the fact I was born into a JW family. But this is the result of them.
Without their existence we would still be together.
So that's another thing. Thank you Jehovah's witnesses for taking yet another thing away from my life. You already took me away from having friends, which I have only one friend in my life, almost none, you took away real education from me, I never grew up with a childhood, I grew up extremely isolated as a homeschooling student, I never learned to socialize, I never got to celebrate birthdays, holidays, or anything, so thank you for taking that away from me, and now I had a connection with a genuinely good person who I loved, which you also took away from me. So thank you
And now, after facing this, I have to go to the meeting tonight because I have no choice. Going to the place that has caused me the most pain in my life, the most suffering and the place that has taken everything away from me, I now have to go to it tonight and suffer more.
Thank you JWs