Hi folks, I need your thoughts on my situation.
Context : she went overseas to study, while I stayed in our hometown for personal reasons.
I got dumped last September in a pretty harsh way while I was already struggling in life. She did it over text, saying our relationship was a mistake and that she regretted how it ended, but also that she had really hoped it would work out.
The next day, we talked a bit. She told me it wasn’t a final goodbye and even said she’d still be there for me if I needed her. When she said that, I made a mistake — I kind of lost it. She had ghosted me for a week after telling me she wanted to hurt herself, at a time when my life was already very unstable. She had started that message with: “Let me reassure you, I won’t k*** myself. It might have been easier… in fact, it might have been if all this hadn’t happened…”
I believe I overreacted when she said she’d still be there for me. Long story short, the end of that exchange went like this:
Her: I’ll still be here if something serious happens,
but don’t abuse it. Really, don’t.
Me: Thank you.
Her:Don’t thank me.
Then in December, when she came back for the holidays, she asked to meet so she could give me back a gift my mom had given her. I refused, mainly because my mom didn’t want the gift back and felt the breakup had nothing to do with it and she even told me : " if she doesn’t want it anymore, why not just throw it away? She knows where you live, if she really wanted she could either post it to you or drop it directly in your mailbox."
Then we've talked a bit about it. It almost felt like she was trying to make amends, until I asked if she still wanted to meet without any specific reason. She replied the next day with a lot of sarcasm.
After that, she said some pretty awful things about me to mutual friends. Thankfully, they didn’t believe her. She even started arguing with one of them because that friend didn’t want to take side and just keep us both as friends. In the following months, I also heard that she asked to some of my friends if me and this girl were dating, which wasn’t the case.
The reason I’m posting here is that I feel like she’s still “watching” me. No matter the time of day, she went form watching my Instagram stories within the very end to viewing then within the first 3-4 hours. She does the same with the girl she argued with, as well as some of my friends and relatives. I’ve restricted her on Instagram and removed myself from seeing her content, without actually blocking her.
At this point, I feel mostly healed from the relationship. But I’m afraid I won’t fully move on as long as I feel like she’s still watching me. At the same time, she was someone I deeply admired and loved, and I feel like blocking her might either give her more importance than she deserves, or make the end of this chapter feel harsher than it already was.
By now she must have come back and I wont be there for a month so I have some time to think about how I'll handle this summer
So yeah… I’m kind of lost on this one and need an outside view on my situation.