am i an idiot for wanting to quit?
mid-20s recent business graduate, few years experience across retail banking that i loved. was concerned i was too comfortable in my role and applied to a boutique consulting firm (global but small in aus - large clients however). by some miracle got in despite an atypical graduate profile and ive been here over a year. pay is good relative to peers in similar positions
long story short its been the worst year of my life and i need to know if im an idiot for wanting to resign
why i hate it:
- extremely extremely difficult ambiguous work with little to no guidance despite being told “you don’t need to know anything” before starting. (e.g. had to learn sql in a matter of 3 days no help! huge deliverable!)
- short intense engagements which i dont get to choose, was hired under the premise of working on FS, but no projects sold = me doing 2 projects on software and another on fast food
- strange culture, very cliquey no one really spoke to me for about 6-8 months and they all insist on only hanging out with each other on weekends etc. just a bit silly to me
- toxic management was told i was a drag on my team from the partner before i heard any feedback from managers - later found out he just made this up by himself??
- fuck ass hours, i live far from the office and often work with international clients so it’s not unusual to leave the house at 7 and return at 11pm, no lunch breaks or downtime mon-thursdays for the most part. i’ve worked through birthdays, my anniversary, annual leave, christmas etc.
had a really terrible first 6 months, recovered and have gotten some indication i might be getting fast tracked to promotion - but i’ve never felt so trapped somewhere in my life.
in the one singular year ive been here, i was hospitalised due to a random stress rash covering my entire body for 5 days (got yelled at for it), gained weight despite averaging a meal a day, wake up at 2-5am most mornings having chest pains and can’t get back to sleep.
in the background, ive missed so much time with family and friends i worry its going to impact my relationships in the long term. ive also had 3 miscarriages in a very short span of time while working here which i haven’t even begun to process.
this all might sound insane and if you think im a whiny fuck i wouldn’t blame you, and if you think im also a masochist i also wouldn’t blame you!
im struggling to level with the fact that i’d be leaving an opportunity that so many want, and that i worked so hard for and that it just didn’t work out. i worked and studied full time through my degree and ive only ever been “the smart one” in any cohort so being bad at this job has shot my confidence beyond belief. i can’t muster enough energy to think about next steps or start applying because im so so burnt out.
i’ve been staffed on a new project recently and am thinking of giving my notice to resign by the time the project ends so i don’t leave the team short staffed.
i live at home and have a savings buffer enough to take some time off, everyone in my life agrees with the decision to resign. but i dont know if im struggling more with the fact that im going to give up on something, or going into this job market with no plan and blowing up my future.
i do think ive gained some genuinely valuable skills over my year here, but its only a complement to the experience i got while in banking - irrelevant industry experience is kind of no help to me anyway, so i would’ve been planning to leave even if i was having a great time.
i didnt mean for this to be such a long post, but would love an opinion besides my own/people i know. im just very very lost and struggling