I want to have a real conversation
Not through text or unsent letters or your propaganda reels
Though i appreciate your creativity and dedication to the simulation
The attention has been overwhelming
But i couldn’t tell what your intentions were
I couldnt tell if i was a joke or if this was our secret
I couldnt tell if i was the only one
I dont think you’re a monster
I think you picked me and went after what you wanted
And i think you panicked when you realized what you’d done
And the exit plan didnt work out how either of us thought
It is kind of romantic, if you can get over how fucked up it is.
Which probably says a lot about us both.
I wasnt sleeping with you both.
The last time i slept with him was 6 weeks before our first date. Before that? Once in October. Before that? I dont even remember.
There was no cross contamination.
No one knows but you and i.
You played your part in the simulation, but you have no idea about my own simulation up to the point i met you. I knew i had to get to you. I knew we would be together before we even spoke. I dreamt about when we made love four years before it happened. It’s not just you, i feel it tooooo.
I like you best when you make me feel calm, not confused. Be my protector.
Please stop playing games with me.
You can’t just start training me like a dog without a heads up, you goof.
If thats what you’re into, you at least have to tell me so i can play along. I’ll let you be dominant if thats what you want. I’ll be a good girl and wait right here for you to get back. I’ll come when you tell me to.
I think we want the same thing. If it would make you feel better to wait for everything to blow over, thats okay. I’m yours. Whatever we need to do to feel good about this.
I miss kissing you. Let’s get together and talk. Tell me what you need. I want to give that to you. Ask me anything you are wondering about. Let’s stop pretending this isnt a big deal to us both.
See you soon.