Confessions of a nauseating expectant Mother.
Does anything feel the disconnect about themselves pre pregnancy and during pregnancy? I feel like shit and let me tell you why.
I honestly was shocked at how much weight I had lost. I had lost around 9 kgs during the first trimester because of how badly I was vomiting. nothing has stopped the vomiting, changed the tablet three times , still nothing
Second trimester rolled out and I was hopeful to get the energy back, maybe reduce the nausea. but to no avail, still it continues, but this time I force myself to eat since I have been losing weight.
My caretakers literally are encouraging me to eat anything even ice cream, pizza, burger, briyani every day. everything that I used to love eating, now sounds so disgusting. Even lays and coke that other people claim they also indulged in, I hate it.
I want to have a normal just 5 to 6 times vomitting in the morning, get weird cravings, see the stomach budge out. But honestly speakinh Nothing helps me out.
I usually do overthink a lot but I don't have the energy to do anything. I was a super achiever at work, I usually don't use mobile phone often because I fucking hate social media, I used to go out, I used to love reading. Not really procrastinating
I am doing the opposite. Barely have anything in me. I am so tired, no energy. I need a person to sit with me to even complete my tasks.
I had to tell my boss that I am really really sick and I can't work like I used to before and he was also understanding and started diverting tasks. the only tasks that are being assigned is what only I used to have context.
Nothing excites me anymore. I used to feel excited for the baby kicks I sensed a sort of movements in the 19th week starting but after that no movement at all. The baby is healthy, Went and checked the anatomy scan at 20th week, baby weight is in the 44th percentile the only concern.
My most important confession:
I see women who were so weak than me, having pregnancies which were completely normal. I feel happy for them but insanely jealous too. What the fuck did I do wrong to have this type of pregnancy.
And I am a person who usually doesn't get jealous. This is such a disconnect between how I was and how I am reduced to feel these emotions in such large scale. I am sad, crying and again feeling guilty since my baby can listen to all of these things as well.
I have been going to therapy too. but I don't think it is working out this time around.
I really want to have a crane deliver the baby in s blanket like the cartoon. Ready for the labour pain instead of suffering for 6 months and turn up almost in the walking dead series. I honestly will take the labour pain over these long gruelling months.