Never had a job
Im 27. Feel like I'm still 17. Stuck in the past. Depression is eating me away. They say it gets better. It doesn't. Friends are married, have a job, kids and are able to afford vacations while I burn out going to the gym for 1 1/2h. I can't even push myself over the edge anymore to achieve something because my body instantly reacts with either panic attacks, severe pain or "the buzzing"(it feels as if I'm completely overstimulated). The buzzing sucks the most. I never had that shit until my doctor described me wrong dose of medication which led to an overdose and basically fried my brain.
I'm used to go over my limits because otherwise I can't achieve anything and now I can't do that anymore. Which is way I'm literally only laying on the couch all day long. Everything eats up energy.
Even things I technically like.
I'm at the breaking point. Again. Why even bother pursuing hobbies when they eat away my energy just like doing the household. I used to love sports. Now have to drag myself there because I just know I will feel worse afterwards. Same for my other Hobbys. Same for everything.
I feel ashamed. My mother is constantly offering me money which I decline because it should be the other way around. I should take care of her at this point.
I hate my mental illnesses.
I hate my life.
I hate that I'm not normal.