Beautiful Place, Had to Leave Unwillingly
Hey everyone,
Sorry in advance — this post is going to sound like a personal journal...
I'm writing this to express how I feel about having to leave Sapporo/Hokkaido unwillingly. Even after making the decision, I still feel really lost.
Last August, I accepted an engineer job in Chitose and was super excited about moving to Hokkaido. I was looking forward to the amazing food, beautiful nature, and skiing. In October, I finally flew over and started settling down.
The first week was wonderful — everything felt so charming. The only downside was that it was much colder than I expected (I come from a place where it’s 20–30°C all year round).
Then winter arrived and the snow started falling. That’s when I began feeling depressed and unsafe.
I’ve been dealing with panic disorder for about 10 years. Sometimes it gets better, sometimes it comes back. Over time, I also developed agoraphobia. When winter hit, my symptoms got much worse. Panic attacks returned strongly, and my agoraphobia became really bad. I started avoiding going out except for work and buying food. Eventually, even staying at home didn’t make me feel safe anymore.
While all my colleagues were enjoying skiing and everything Hokkaido has to offer, I was stuck inside the house most of the time.
After a few months, I completely broke down. I resigned from my job and decided to head back home.
This time, I’m going to take my mental health seriously and work on it properly.
Hokkaido, you were a place I truly loved. I hope one day I can return with a stronger and healthier mind.