I know ultimately the right answer is to be zen, realize it's possible apply again, this year was a difficult admissions cycle due to funding, other "good fits" are out there, blah blah blah.
However, I'm feeling extremely bitter and resentful. Since receiving my official rejection (I was waitlisted until APRIL 15!!!), I have been mad as hell. I made it to the final interview for my top choice PhD program, thought I had good rapport with the PI, they even said they saw that I fit into their lab. But that was met with a waitlist 3 weeks after the interview, and then a rejection. I don't know what else they wanted, with a whole ass master's degree with perfect grades, award-winning research and it's simply not enough. I believe in this field, I want to contribute and do good. I have slaved away for years trying to perform, and hit a brick wall again and again and again.
I keep thinking about how getting into PhD programs requires 3 factors: ability, resources, and luck. And people have to have all three of these things, or else they are shut out of the ivory tower.
Admittedly, I have had resouces, but have had shit luck in terms of my life circumstances (chronic, life-threatening illness, dealt with horrific tragedy, family that acts like a ball and chain). And once one thing goes wrong, it takes down the other two (ability suffers, resources suffer). My messed up circumstances definitely nerfed my ability/resources substantially.
I think it's accurate to say that 90% of people in competitive graduate or professional programs have had a relatively privileged life. And often they truly believe their success is due to effort and talent, and not due to enormous dumb luck.
Maybe I'm just salty, but I went to high school and college surrounded by extremely privileged people, and the lack of kindness or self-awareness was astounding. I was constsantly judged for not being "good enough", and there was zero empathy towards my circumstances. Thought I was able to move past this and build a life not limited by these narrow ass parameters or the judgement and competition. But yet AGAIN, I'm seeing myself gatekept from an opportunity that would have been truly life changing.
Whoever got in this year, good for you and I sincerely wish you the best- I hope you make the best of it, that you actually give a shit about people, that you contribute to your field of study, that you enjoy the process.
But also please recognize recognize there are dozens of people who want this just as much, that worked hard, and that would have been uplifted greatly by this kind of offer. I hope we are all kinder to each other, and can have more understanding beyond "well u should have just worked harder"
Hope that some other people here can relate.