I’m kind of in a really weird headspace right now and pretty stressed about this so this post might not sound very coherent sorry in advance😓
For context I’m a third year polytechnic student graduating next year 2027, with a bad GPA (I’m predicting to be around 3.3 when I graduate) Ever since I was in secondary school I always decided on polytechnic as it was more relaxed and I could choose whether or not to be social compared to JC where it’s more of the same secondary school setting? (I was bullied in sec school for context) My O-Level grades were mid and I just went to some random course in Singapore Polytechnic because my mom was dead set on me going SP.
I didn’t have fantastic grades, not good and yet not absolute trash, I probably can go into SUSS/SIT? But to be honest I don’t know if I should stay in Singapore… My polytechnic grades are bad because I didn’t really have an interest in it and I may sound like I’m giving excuses but I really really don’t give a shit about it so it makes kind of hard to score well😭
Right now I’m in internship and everyday is depressing I don’t see myself doing a corporate job and even my friends say that about me as well. But this industry does seem promising as Singapore is heavily focusing on that sector. I do my work well but honestly I’m not really learning anything? Because I don’t care about it and I can’t see myself working in something I can’t even give an ass about and it’s been making me really depressed because I’m just thinking is this really what life is about?
I never had any ambitions in life? I enjoy fashion/makeup/photography/anime/games/cosplay and never anything nerdy or something realistic that I could see myself working in… it doesn’t help the fact that the CCAs I joined in all my schools were just hobby clubs and not something like theatre as I could see myself as an actress as I do like singing and I enjoy musicals/theatre but I think it’s also kind of too late as I’m already nearing 20 where many actors start young💔 and I don’t think being one in Singapore is possible without going overseas.
Even so I don’t have any big dreams😭 I definitely sound stupid but honestly I just want to have fun and travel, I really love travelling and cosplaying my favourite characters in pretty places, eating delicious food with friends and family, seeing beautiful places. Everytime I go to places like Paris, Australia, Bristol they catch my eye. It feels so peaceful and people there live a slower pace of life? They’re also more warm and friendly (Yes there’s friendly French people lol I can’t believe I never met the stereotyped rude people in my 2 week trip there lol) I definitely sound like I’m romanticizing them which I am but even in other places like Shanghai/Tokyo where it’s an Asian city similar to Singapore and they’re known for harsh work culture, the world feels so much bigger… I’m not always constantly going to Suntec or Somerset to have fun or going to events, there’s so many places to explore and so many seasons to look forward compared to the eternal summer we have in SG.
I feel so stuck in Singapore, I don’t think I can see myself in here. I have many kind loving friends but that aside a lot of people in SG are just harder for me to connect with? Idk how to word it but I guess I just don’t have the same values with Singaporeans, they feel so closed off and mean and um idk I just feel they only make friends with you for an agenda. It also doesn’t help that all the guys who try to date me are really weird and also tried to assault me once😭
I guess I just want a fresh change? To start over afresh in a new country like the UK/Australia. But I don’t even know what degree I wanna take, marketing seems cool but it seems oversaturated and also AI heavily affecting the industry as well it seems not a good idea to pursue. I’m more interested in creative degrees but it’s not realistic, I’m lower middle class? My family doesn’t tell me our financial status but sure I can afford to go on trips however not places like Europe😭 the only reason we went is because my mom saved up for like 2 years. My older sister also wanted to study overseas and she had amazing a level grades however she couldn’t study there as my family was against it+we don’t have the funds to pay for it.
I’m on financial assistance scheme so it makes sense for me to go somewhere like SUSS/SIT realistically as we don’t have to pay so much for school fees. However there’s a part of me that longs to go overseas. My gpa may not be good but I know I can probably be accepted in some mid tier uni, the issue is the money…
My “dream?” If u can call it that is to maybe join some businessy+creative degrees like communications and then join a theatre club, the UK seems like a perfect place to do that with London being a hub for so many famous musicals showing there. Plus, there’s many beautiful places there like the Versailles which I wanna visit again. (I genuinely cried when I saw it in real life hahahah)
I’ve been really depressed about this last year, some of my friends are already heading overseas to study soon as they have rich parents. Or my other SG friends have already figured out what they’re doing in life (Working immediately/Opening a business)
I just feel so lost and useless that I haven’t figured out what I want to do in life and I guess I figured going overseas would change me in some way? Like meeting new people and having different experiences would help me find myself and foster a passion in something.
The real issue is just the money😭😭 I’ve been crying to sleep everyday because I’m just so jealous of all my friends because they’re all richer than me and I feel if I go to SUSS/SIT it would be the same thing again like in poly because lowkey I guess I don’t get along well with Singaporeans because most of all my friends are international people jahajahajajj😓
If I ever go to a local uni it’d be SUSS as I don’t see myself taking a degree related to tech but SUSS doesn’t really have a campus life and I want that, I wanna try afresh, see myself in a different environment, discover myself. It’s all just hindered by financial problems.
My friends tell me they’re predicting 400k-600k for their entire uni expenses and yeah. Even with a scholarship which I don’t think I’m gonna receive it’s probably at max up to 40k, I DONT EVEN THINK MY FAMILY HAS 50K SAVED UP EVEN to pay 400k bro 😭
at this point should I just cry about it and idk suck it up I kind of accepted the fact ig I’m just ranting because I just hate how I cannot be smart to pull myself out and get a fully paid scholarship/do some crazy programs to get a stacked portfolio to pull myself out of this situation and I’m just crying about it
Ok I’m just gna sybau idk what do yall think😭