its ropefuel how an mtf is percieved by hijabi women when you come out and actually transition.
to me at least, im still in college, mtf, have been medically transitioning over 2 years atp and am in a semi-boymode (slowly transitioning to girlmode) and how im seen by hijabi girls just reminds me always of what i'll never be, cis. be it the comfort thing, or any other thing, one is still percieved as a biological male by people even after coming out and transitioning they make it the most apparent and i hate it. im not even biologically male 😭 im literally xxy chromosomed individual.
the thing that really set this off was basically we will go to a trip to malta in august, all tutor english courses collectively, and im not properly outed, additionally to that i felt really scared to even approach someone and ask about who wants to share a room at first so i held myself back. mind you, my teachers know and have even informed the travel agency that there's "1 girl more, a boy less", (im also having my legal things changed next month). i got into a 3-room which consists of the remaining people, me, a hijabi girl and another girl. i asked the one girl if that's alright for her to which she said that thats absolutely no issue and that its absolutely understndble and no issue. the hijabi girl ghosts me for a day, turns off her read receipts and replies to me in a dry message a day later "sorry thats not okay for me"
even when i will girlmode fully, i know that people at the end of the day will see me as a biological "male" forever, i hate this, i hate myself, this world, this system, this curse. fuck this shit this put me into a full on spiral