I've never been much of a positive person and most of my life I've lived on 2% battery, but nothing has made me feel as hopeless about my future as PCOS. It was one thing to struggle mentally, but now I don't even know how to help my body.
I've been to two endos and it's always the same story: lose weight, drink supplements and take glucophage once a day, with the emphasis always being on the weight. On my first go around I followed everything to a T, kept on a diet and lost about 10-11kg but it barely did anything and it only made my battery drop closer to a zero. The doctor would only smile at me and tell me to keep going, "everybody feels better when they lose weight," she said, despite me telling her I felt more tired and that my periods were still barely there. "Just a few more kilograms and you'll feel like a million bucks."
I stopped going to her after that.
When I switched to a new endo a few years later (it's the same one I'm seeing now), she put me on the same regime. She's a bit nicer about everything I guess, but doesn't listen to me. I've told her over and over that I didn't gain weight suddenly, yet in her report she wrote the opposite. I don't want to keep seeing her, but I just don't know where else to turn.
My symptoms have gotten 10x times worse jn the process. I'm scared of going out, even for a walk, because my stomach is in shambles. Going to work has been a nightmare and my anxiety has spiked up to an almost unbearable degree. My mind always keeps going to the worst "solution". I don't want to think about dying all the time.
Sorry if this was all over the place. I just needed a place to vent and write something down. I'm sure it will get better eventually, it's just been years and I'm tired.