u/KrissyRainn

Last night I was watching TV when I heard a women ask if 911 was called.. something in her voice made me jump up to see what was happening. When I looked out the window I saw a man on the ground in front of house. I ran outside to see if I could help.

There was a man on the phone with 911 and I heard him mention someone had administered narcan so I knew immediately the man was overdosing. There was a women kneeling beside him who appeared to also be impaired (I now think she may have been his girlfriend or maybe a friend). She was trying to perform CPR but I could tell she wasn't doing it correctly.

I introduced myself calmly and said I had medical training and asked if I could help (this isnt a complete lie I am about to enter my third year of medical laboratory science but I have no CPR experience I could just tell what she was doing wasn't working). She moved aside and grabbed her things and left.

The man was so blue. We talk about cyanosis in school but I've never seen it first hand. His lips were such a deep shade of blue I was sure he hadn't been breathing for a bit. I didn't check for a pulse instead I immediately started performing CPR with the guidance of 911. I gave it my all and hoped what I was doing was going to work. I'll admit I avoided looking at his face because I knew it would through me off so I focused on my hands.

911 was having trouble understanding where to send paramedics. By this time a few people had gathered and I was getting more overwhelmed. I'll admit I raised my voice to shout the address again and the 911 operator was like "WHY ARE WE YELLING?!" which made me feel bad that I raised my voice to her.

By this time a women was holding his hand I thought she knew him but later on she told me she was watching from across the street and just wanted to comfort him. She shouted his color is coming back and when I looked he wasn't blue anymore. He let out a gasp and 911 told me to continue compressions. He then started making what is described as "death rattle noises" ( I know the sound as I've come across videos). It startled me but I continued even with the women next to me yelling about it (she was saying something like omg the death rattle hes dying).

Thats when I looked up and saw 2 women wearing gloves (at the same time I heard sirens approaching) the women holding his hand informed me they are from a program ran by the homeless shelter near by. One of them asked me if I would like her to take over. I said yes and she felt for a pulse and thankfully found one and EMS arrived maybe a minute later. They were able to fully bring him back and get him on his feet. He refused further medical care which I understand is common with people experiencing addiction. The cop told him what I did and he walked up to me and said sorry and put his hand out... cop gave me a look like dont do it but I didnt care I shook his hand and told him not to be sorry.

I think the whole thing lasted maybe 10 minutes but it felt like an eternity. One of the women who volunteers at the homeless shelter had to hold me still and tell me to breathe I must have been hyperventilating and shaking or something. The man who called 911 called me a hero and the women holding his hand hugged me cried and thanked me. I don't feel like a "hero" or think i deserve any thanking. I actually felt very uncomfortable with the things they said.

I hadn't realized my boyfriend had come out and been there. If it wasnt for him witnessing it I would have thought it was a dream. It still doesn't seem real. I couldn't sleep I just kept replaying it over and over wondering if I done enough or could have done more (like convincing him to go to the hospital). This morning I finally broke down and cried for a long time. The thought that he may have died later that night weighs very heavily on me since he didn't receive any further treatment. Also seeing what I now think was his girlfriend or friend just leave him like that (I know she probably didn't want to be around when the cops showed up) was also so disheartening.

I have had traumatic things happen before but never like this. I know even before this I should have been getting therapy or counseling to deal with those past traumas but I don't have the money. I think this has impacted me more than I originally thought. My friend has told me I should try to find some free counseling services offered for low income (being a student I would probably be eligible maybe even for services from the college even though its summer). But I often think whats the point ? I don't think free services (which only typically offer 3 sessions or even what's offered by the school) would be enough as aside from this I have a lot of other things I would need to discuss and would need long term therapy.

Thank you to anyone who reads. I really just needed to write this out.