I am still new to learning Christianity, I am doing rooted/adult youth groups to try and understand better, and I try to be the very best person that I can be. My boyfriend and I are very charitable people, if we see someone on the side of the road, we’re pulling over and trying to help them restart their car, fix their car, etc. We help out in the community, we do everything we can to try and help. But when it comes to my family, I’m really really struggling, because of how terribly they’ve treated me my whole life. Like I’ve always been the outcast of my family.
Context:
Bf is a very experienced mechanic career-wise. My family is extremely toxic, to the point where I ran away at 15. But I came back to them five years later, and have since been trying to rebuild the relationship. Relationship with my parents have been going great, but the relationship with my two sisters have not. They still treat me as horribly as they did growing up, so I distance myself from them a lot.
The other day, one of my sisters asked us to do a very intense repair that would require us to take apart nearly half of her car, and would require about three hours of work. She asked us to do this for free. We have already previously done other work for her significant other for free in the past, So this time, we said we would do it but for $150.
Once I said that, the flip was switched. I was being called names, my parents were called to relay to them how I’m being a terrible family member because I’m trying to charge a “ single income family” $150 to do an extremely extensive project that is not even essential to the car, but an addition. (Installing a hitch + wiring, plus a dash cam).
I blew up at her and told her why I am happy to do things for free for my parents, but not her, because she’s treated to me terribly my whole life. I was not a very good representation of God in that moment, and I am really ashamed of that.
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But that whole novel side, I guess my question is, how do I deal with a toxic family that treats me like the bad guy whenever I sent my boundaries while still being a good representation of God? Without feeling like I’m being walked all over by everyone, for me just “being nice”?
I have always struggled with my family, and now that I’m venturing into Christianity, I want to do better. Please and thank you.