I lost my soul dog last night suddenly and traumatically. I genuinely don’t know how I’m supposed to function.
My husband and I just lost our 8 year old German Shepard mix, our soul dog. He had been his normal self all day surrounded by family who was giving him tons of love and attention. Then late last night as we were getting ready for bed he suddenly collapsed on our kitchen floor. He convulsed for a minute and we tried desperately to resuscitate him but he was gone quickly. We rushed him to the emergency vet praying for a miracle but within seconds they confirmed he had already passed. My brain has been unable to process this. He wasn’t sick at all. We had just taken him to the vet to get his annual and everything came back normal. He was still so active and full of energy. The vet said an ultrasound on his heart pointed to a heart attack. Probably from a heart issue that we were not even aware he had.
We were able to say goodbye but I still couldn’t process it. It took a good 30 minutes of sitting with him, his body growing cold before I just fell to my knees sobbing. When we got back home, I couldn’t walk into the house. His toy, blankets, beds, hair…all over every inch of our house. He was our baby. Our worlds revolved around him. I really thought we had more time. I thought at least 2-3 more years. We had a camping trip planned in two weeks with him. It’s been something l had wanted to do before he got too old. And he was taken from us. I don’t know what to do.
My husband and I are curled up on our dog’s side of the couch with his blankets and pillows. My husband has fallen asleep finally but I can’t. Every time I drift off I snap awake in a panic. That feeling of dread and despair comes right back. I’ve never felt this kind of pain before. I love my boy in a way that words cannot describe, but it’s a kind of love that I cannot feel for anything else but him. I’m truly shattered and I don’t know how people pick themselves back up after experiencing this kind of loss. This whole night I’ve just been sobbing “I don’t know what to do”. I’m angry, I’m heartbroken, I feel dead and numb inside one second and then I can’t control an outpouring of emotions the next. Thank you though if you’ve read this far. Typing this out has been the only thing I can think of to cope in this moment.
I love you with all my heart and soul, Cloud. Always and forever my bestest boy ❤️