Office maxxing with Tourettes
When I might need accommodations just saying ‘btw guys I have Tourette's' makes me gag, it feels to me just like HEY EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME I HAVE THE FUNNY SWEARING DISORDER!
I know that’s just my head, I know it’s probably also beach I have GAD but I know we are all adults and will be respectful. Only my closest friends know I have this.
But I don't wanna talk about it.
It is with me every day, I have quite severe Tourette syndrome but I am lucky I am very good at suppressing (aka I force myself to). I don't want to talk about it. Not being in control of myself is a living nightmare, when I have a tic attack all I want to do is cry. It is SO UNCOMFORTABLE.
I can't do so many things. It kills me. I attended a theatre performance for the first time in years and I was so uncomfortable the entire time from suppressing. by the end of it? It was like a millon pins were pricking every brain cell. I was so uncomfortable and in so much pain from suppressing. I go to the bathroom just to tic. I have lived with it at this level for eight years and being an adult it feels like, I’m trying to exist, I have a driving license after a year of fighting with the DMV, I’m happy but every day I get more and more fatigued. I don’t know why. It feels like I am carrying this monster with me, that makes me a passenger. I was in an olive garden a few weeks ago and I had to suppress so hard I felt like I wasn’t even in the room, it took so much concentration, and I still ended up watching my hand throw the knife at my friend. I just said sorry, I can’t even explain myself. My friend felt bad for me when we were driving back when I was having a tic attack and I just wanted to disappear. Like I’m in my 20s. How the fuck is this still making me so, uncomfortable.
The thought of it is bad enough.
So I don't mention it.