Continuing after Personal Pet Loss
I'm just needing to share my struggles...and maybe find others who can understand and provide any of their own experiences.
I lost my beloved 8 year old rescue mutt Thursday evening. Around noon, I took him with me with a drop in with one of his doggy friends, they played, I loaded him back in for the few minute drive home, when I went to get him out of the car, something was wrong. He went almost immediately to Urgent Care where my husband took turns sitting him with for 6 hours as they tried to stabilize him, but after all the tests were done, there wasn't much to be done and we had to say good bye to him that evening.
My three dog drop ins the next day were able to give me the day off. That was yesterday. And today I am trying to do my drop ins. It's not just that I'm sad, but the loss has destroyed my appetite. I'm trying to eat a little and stay hydrated and take all my medicated, but I'm definitely lethargic.
I feel so bad. Like I'm not doing my job well. And I'm depressing the dogs.
Maybe the worse decision I made was thinking it would be a good idea for that doggy friend to still stay with us today. She knows something is wrong, she doesn't know where he is, and I can tell she's confused about his absence and my crying.
I just worry I can't do this job anymore. I can barely do anything at home, I'm trying not to completely shut down because my husband and I are in this grief together. This is the first dog that was mine, not my family's dog. So it's hurting me so much harder. But I'm trying to also remind myself having something unexpectedly happen like this is traumatic.
I just don't know how to still do this job well while dealing with my trauma. I hope it gets easier. This is my first day "back".