Knowing when to quit
Been two months since my last post, and to be fair it hasn't been all bad. Quite a bit of good moments with her, and the few 'bad' things can be chalked up to me not being satisfied with how things are and constantly overthinking about things between us. But even though I've had plenty of good moments with her, and I've made the effort on my part to get us to spend more time one-on-one, nothing's changed. And yeah, my obsession with her was already a problem before but now it's pretty clear to me that this is as far as I'll go with her, and any more attempts at trying to make this into something more is just acting on delusion.
And yeah, it sucks to feel like this. To get to know someone and wanting to make things work despite the odds but at some point, you just gotta face what's in front of you. Ultimately, I just really value talking to her. And I know for a fact that those instances do happen and things don't need to change for it to continue to happen. Funnily enough, the best times I've spent with her were all totally unplanned, they just happened. And all the outings I planned were just okay/good. It was already there right in my face, fact is that this relationship was always at its best when we just naturally got together to spend time, not through me obsessing over taking it further and planning time together.
Am I bummed that it's not going to be something more? Yeah. But like I said in my last post, which remains true till now, honestly nothing has been bad. And there's even been a lot of good. Right now I just want to preserve what's there, no point ruining a good thing just because of this obsession. She's pretty happy doing her own thing, I now I just wanna be happy being a part of it.