I became my friend’s full-time caregiver and I’m emotionally exhausted
I really need advice because I’m emotionally exhausted and don’t know if I’m handling this situation correctly.
I have this friend (loose word) who sufferes from extremely severe gastritis. During flareups, the pain gets so bad that we end up in the ER every few days. The episodes can last 10+ hours, with her nonstop screaming and crying from the pain until she eventually gets strong pain medication. For almost a year, i have been thrown into a care-giver role as she’s an international student in Canada with no nearby family, so I became the person she calls for everything. I drive her to the ER, stay with her through the waits, answer late-night calls to calm her down during episodes, etc. I never expected to become a full-time caretaker, but it slowly turned into that.
The complication is that she has repeatedly told me she’s in love with me. I’ve told her clearly and kindly multiple times that I do not feel the same way romantically, but it keeps coming up. During flare-ups she says things like I’m the only person she has. Even when I’m out of town, She calls during episodes when she is in immense pain and I feel enormous guilt if I do not pick up the phone to reassure her through the pain.
I feel horrible for her because she is genuinely suffering, isolated, and terrified. But at the same time, I feel emotionally drained, trapped, guilty, and honestly overwhelmed. Part of me keeps hoping she’ll get better so I can step back without feeling like I abandoned someone vulnerable.
How do you set boundaries without feeling like a monster?