My boyfriend [19M] and I [22F] have been dating online for 6 months. He is hard-working, kind, funny, and has many hobbies I personally find adorable and attractive (skiing, swimming, photography, etc.). Additionally, he is the person who has treated me with the most decency of all the people I've gone out with, so I am grateful to him. Unfortunately, the past couple of months have left me feeling empty and alone in the relationship. I will explain as straightforwardly as possible without compromising details.
Just about every morning, I send him a good morning text. Throughout the day, I ask him how he's been, compliment him, listen to him talk about his interests and his daily experiences, and hear what he has to say. I will be honest, he makes little effort to reciprocate conversation. He says the occasional “Oh?” when I bring up something potentially interesting, doesn't ask prompting questions when I talk about what I like, ghosts me half the time while talking to others (I don't believe this is with malicious intent, but it still stings), and gets highly immersed in things he is working on to the point of barely talking to me. I barely get compliments or much commentary on things I love to imagine us doing together. I have brought up these issues before, and he puts in the effort, but eventually seems to forget.
Before I bring up the next point, I need to mention that he is studying at a boarding school focused on photography. It takes a substantial amount of his time, sometimes so much that I get 3 texts max in a day. I eagerly wait for him to text me whenever he can, but sometimes he naps for hours, leaving me to wait until tomorrow (a 6-hour time zone difference separates us). We call maybe a few times a month just because of how busy he is.
I think in general, I don't feel desired or worth his time. I've asked him about his lack of compliments and commentary, and he claims that he doesn't know what to say, but... He has never loved anyone as seriously as he does for me (his words), so it's all new to him. He is also from Norway, so I believe he may be under the influence of Janteloven (I won't go into too much detail as to what that is for the sake of not elongating this post, but essentially it's a set of societal norms in Norway that encourages humble attitudes and a lack of expression, feel free to look it up).
I want to feel loved, I want to feel desired, I think I’m expecting him to act a certain way without telling him what I actually want. I understand that it's immature for me to expect him to read my mind, especially with such a distance between us, but still… I want to feel like I matter to him. I understand, too. With such a young relationship, I may be silly to get caught up in the fantasies of it all, especially in an online dating situation. I do want to take things seriously and eventually meet him. I want to have faith, but it feels one-sided right now.
Please, Reddit, if anyone has any advice, I’d appreciate it. This is honestly the first relationship I’ve been in with someone more stable than the others I’ve dated, so I need some pointers. I’m not trying to put him in a bad light; I’m not trying to blame him. I need help. Please be gentle in the comments, since we are both young adults just trying to navigate life. I’m open to any perspectives.
Thank you for reading, and have a good night.