I traded options and futures for almost 20 years.
At the beginning, I believed I had skill. I believed I understood risk.
But over time, it stopped being about trading. For me, it became gambling. Chasing the feeling of being “right.” Increasing the size to recover faster.
I tried to quit multiple times. I relapsed four times. Each time I told myself this time would be different. Each time I convinced myself I could control it.
The low point was very dark. The shame felt heavier than the debt. My family had to lend me money just to stabilize things. That was the moment I had to admit this wasn’t about markets anymore. It was an addiction.
I’m not gambling now. But I don’t consider myself cured. I consider myself aware, and something makes me pause when the urge hits, and reminds me not to gamble again.