How do you deal with income disparities?
Okay this one definitely requires context. I am 19F so I am dealing with friends ages 18-21. I have worked in hospitality full time since age 15, not by choice but because I had to. My mom is a single mom with three kids making less than $30k a year. Anything I've wanted I've had to buy myself, obviously she'd cover my needs, but I had a different upbringing from my friends. I wouldn't say any of my friends are extremely well off, but most of them had old cars given to them and much more financial freedom than me.
Given the fact that I've been working full time since age 15, doors quickly opened up for me. I started off in a chain, then serving at a smaller fine dining establishment and eventually moved up to one of the nicest resorts in my state, if not the nicest. Even just working fine dining, my income was around $75k a year. Recently, I got a job offer from a loyal regular of mine. I now work 3 mornings (12 hours) a week at the resort and full time (40 hours/salary) as an operations manager for a hospitality company. Keep in mind - I'm also doing online college full time.
Once I added my salary as well as the bare minimum I'd make on an okay day working at the resort, I'm looking at about $110k this year. That's if the resort suddenly goes slow all year and also doesn't account for bonuses my new job offers. I've never once mentioned to my friends what exactly my income is, but they're well aware. My boyfriend also does very well off, owns his own company (works in trades and is 20... no one freak), so they definitely see our nicer vacations and lifestyle.
It's just so incredibly hard to relate to them nowadays, even when I was making $75k, but now more than ever. All of my friends work part time minimum wage jobs and complain about money. It's just impossible to listen to because I've genuinely worked full time since I could and constantly am looking to better myself and my career. None of my family gave me jobs, I paid my car off myself, I'm paying for college myself and I'm out of my mom's house. I feel like there's just always an excuse as to why they can't move up. I've offered them jobs, letters of recommendation, etc. and they refuse to accept my help.
I understand sometimes friends just want to rant, but it's hard. I really ran into this issue a few days ago when I was out to eat with friends. Mind you, I am well aware of my friends' finances and never push for expensive outings. We're literally in a McDonalds when 3 of my closest friends start saying things like "you're so lucky to go on *insert trip*", "you're so lucky to have *insert thing*", "you're so lucky to have *insert job*."
Obviously this kind of upset me. I have never been handed anything. My mother barely made enough to get by and forget child support, it was non existent. Everything I have I've done by myself so to hear that I'm lucky? It felt insulting to my hard work. I said something along the words of "work hard play hard" and "I'm blessed that my efforts got me to where I am now." Something playful and humble. After I said that the room went silent.. once things lightened up they made snarky comments about my lifestyle and how I'm "above them."
Mind you... these 3 friends are my literal only friends. It's not like I'm "upgrading" and hanging around rich girls I once talked shit on, it's not like I'm blowing them off to do frivolous things or only suggesting expensive outings. Every time we hang out we get fast food, hang out at one of our places or go to the beach. Never once have I suggested something out of everyone's budget, never once have I used my income to make anyone look bad (example: buying ridiculously expensive gifts to outdo others)... I genuinely don't understand what the deal is. Maybe I'm looking into their comments too much, but they can be kind of hurtful and off putting sometimes.
I know it's natural for friends to grow apart after high school and change in different ways, especially once careers/school/relationships take the forefront. I just don't know what to do. I love these friends but this isn't the first time they've made weird comments. They've also started to ask me for money, which I'll gladly give them if they really need, but it's all starting to feel weird. Why make snarky comments about my success and then turn around and ask me for money?
I know this is a weird post, I'm sure once you're in your late 20's/30's it's not such a taboo thing, I just don't know what to do. Maybe this is what adulting is like.