First, I apologize as English is not my main language and this is my first contact with reddit. Moreover, it's lengthy so if you aren't up for it do yourself a favor and continue with your day.
FOR CONTEXT: I am 20 M and am finishing my first year in medicine. Since the beginning of puberty, I have gone through a lot of grief and loss, even some traumatic events like watching people dying in front of me. By no means I live in a Bad country, I live in southwestern Europe and come from a good family. Despite that, I'd say I managed to grow into a remarkable young man whom my mom would be proud. I managed to have some dates, some situationships with women but alas never a relationship.
As of Lately I have been thinking a quite a lot about life and its meaning which is normal, I guess. Likewise, I decided to come to reddit as I have heard from friends that it's a good place to get advice from people with different viewpoints. There’s 2 points in which I'd like guidance or at least an opinion.
Firstly, it may be insecurity speaking but is it normal to not have had even one relationship at 20? I look at how happy my friends are with their girlfriends and see myself having this envy for their happiness, even though it sounds bad, and find myself worrying that I'm up against an Invisible clock ticking to an inevitable loneliness life. I also know that it's not because they find me ugly, my female friends tell me I'm good looking and sweet. Furthermore, most of the relationships of people my age is shallow, it involves just sex partying or drinking and I cannot relate to that I have tried going clubbing and drinking early this year, but it is simply not for me. Am I weird? Sorry if it sounds stupid.
Secondly, since my teen years I found myself detached from the world and it is difficult to relate to the people of my age except for a few. It’s not like I'm not sociable and I do not have hobbies as I work out and am a bit of a bookworm. I never had tik Tok or other social media apart from Instagram which I seldom use. I can't understand their high screen times, the doomscroll, their humor and their talking skills are really appalling (I can hold conversations naturally, but they have no soul). I relate more to older people. Am I weird? I can't see myself fit in with them even though they always try to hang out and try things with me. Am I a horrible person? I seriously don't know and think I am an asshole.
Lowkey sorry if this sounds stupid or immature, but I really feel like my grasp on reality in falling behind and I'm finding life hard right now. I honestly could not be thankful enough for different perspectives. Maybe I'm just having a mini crisis, and the post is not needed.
PS: I have a psychologist and have been going for 3 years now, and he says I have nothing wrong. Moreover, he added that I have an easier time connecting with people older than me.