I (25F) moved abroad for university in 2019, right before I left my father had passed away. My mother insisted I go despite the relatives telling her not to let me go. Since then I've worked odd jobs to support myself and finally got a proper job. While my mom used our struggling family business to pay off my dad's significant bank loans She also sent my brother (22M) to study in Central Europe, secretly taking on private debt from multiple people to fund him which I didn't know about.
The Current Crisis(es)
Employment: l am currently on a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan) at my high-stress job. The quality standards are 98%, - and the system is one-click punitive; a single error fails an entire case. It is likely I will be fired soon - have applied to 0+ roles with no success If lose my job, might lose my residence card process and must return home, which would be a massive social disgrace for my mother.
Brother: My brother earlier revealed he got a girl pregnant abroad and probably has no intention of returning home to help our mother.
Finances: My mother is currently visiting me. To give her a good experience, I have exhausted my remaining savings which she doesn't know about.
Her only other joy would come from seeing me get married/have children but I've never dated - am not skinny, have pcos which gives me hyperpigmentation and just do not look beautiful (or dateable). I don't feel I can give her that either.
I feel like a waste of money and time. My peers are settled, my brother has checked out and am staring down the barrel of unemployment. I'm carrying the weight of my father's legacy and my mother's sacrifices, and I'm terrified I'm about to let it all collapse.
TL;DR: My mom took out secret loans to send my brother and me abroad My brother is staying abroad due to an unplanned pregnancy, am about to be fired and maybe deported and have no savings left to help my mother pay off our family's mounting debts.
My dad would not be proud and that's the part that makes me the saddest