I’m looking for some thoughtful advice on a complicated situation involving religion and my relationship.
I’m Korean but grew up abroad, so I didn’t really know much about Shincheonji before returning to Korea. I’m currently in a relationship with someone who is deeply involved in the church and follows the teachings of Lee Man-hee (LMH). From the beginning, I told him I respect his beliefs as long as he doesn’t pressure me to join, and so far he has respected that boundary.
He’s genuinely a kind, calm, and thoughtful person. He listens to my concerns and never dismisses them, which is why I’ve tried hard to approach this fairly. I’m aware that media—especially in Korea—can sometimes be biased or sensationalized, and he’s told me that Shincheonji is often portrayed negatively due to conflicts with other Christian groups. Because of that, I’ve tried not to rely only on mainstream media and have looked for other perspectives.
However, the more I get to know his daily life, the more I realize just how deeply involved he is. Most of his social circle, hobbies, and even work connections are tied to the church. Even though we’re long-distance and only see each other about once a week, he consistently prioritizes attending services and church-related activities.
One thing that concerns me is his belief that by being a devoted follower, his loved ones—including me—can also be “saved.” He’s expressed that part of his dedication is because he cares about me, which I do believe comes from a sincere place.
He has told me multiple times that he won’t force me to join. What he wants instead is for me to study what they teach, compare it to real-world events, and decide for myself whether the church is legitimate or not. The problem is, I don’t feel capable of evaluating this objectively. I’ve already been exposed to a lot of negative portrayals, and I don’t have a strong enough background in the Bible or religious studies to confidently assess theological claims.
At one point, I thought I could just wait things out, assuming that after LMH passes away, things might naturally change. But realizing that he could potentially live many more years made me feel stuck and uncertain about that approach.
I don’t want to end the relationship abruptly, especially because I worry that could push him even deeper into the church. At the same time, I also don’t want to ignore something that could become a bigger issue in the future.
So I guess what I’m really asking for is more specific help from people here.
How can I approach this in a fair and informed way? Are there reliable, balanced resources (not just mainstream media) that critically examine Shincheonji?
And more importantly—if anyone here has personal experience, research, or knowledge about this group, could you share specific examples, claims, or contradictions that I could bring up in a discussion with him? He has told me he’s open to me questioning things and wants me to look at the “facts,” so I want to actually test that by presenting concrete points and seeing how he responds to them.
Is it realistic to try to have a “logical” discussion about something like this with someone who is deeply committed?
I’m not trying to attack his beliefs or “win” an argument—I just want to better understand what’s true, and see how he engages with difficult questions. Ultimately, I’m trying to figure out what the healthiest path forward is for both of us.