Hello, im a 21 year old college student. I will finish my degree next year only, after which financial independence is possible. Rn the situation in my home is so bad. It's very complicated but I'll give a brief overview. So basically we are all financially dependent on my dad, including my mom cuz she was never allowed to pursue a career or continue her education and was married off at a very young age. He is extremely verbally abusive to HER, and controlling to HER. To an extent where she is not allowed to even talk to her siblings (she needs his permission for this). Yea not even on the phone. She doesn't have a phone either. A few years ago she had an affair, after which my dad never let her have a phone. Mind you my dad has had several affairs over the years too, even one rn I'm pretty sure. But he denies it like crazy. After that incident however my mom has never had anything like that, and mind you I have NEVER condoned that behavior from either of them, but somehow dad feels like I support mom's actions. So yea coming to present day my dad is financially tight, doesn't have a job, and a lot of loans to pay off. My elder sibling has slowly started earning. He's abroad. His student loans are a huge chunk of my dad's loans. Okay so this is the backstory.
Coming to my issue rn. So I have an internship this month in a different region from mine (6hr train travel). I just thought it would be nice if everyone from home (dad mom and younger sibling) could come drop me off there, and we could spend just one day there so that it'd be relaxing for my mom and younger sibling (they're in a crucial grade rn and is stressed and my dad is absolutely giving them a hard time) to come and see this place and travel and yk get their minds off that house for a bit. Mind you my dad controls everything everywhere my mom goes. Shes not allowed to talk to her relatives whom he doesnt like. Literally even if he has no beef w them, he just doesn't like them, so apparently she's also not allowed to talk to them or even interact. Also adding to all this my mom's health is extremely bad. She has diabetes, and uterus issues as well (undiagnosed bc of the lack of hospital visits bc my dad cant "afford" visits often). She was abused (mentally emotionally and verbally) all throughout their marriage, still is. They have an age gap of 20 years. My mom keeps crying every day. So consid3ring all these things I thought won't it be nice for them to come w me. And so I booked train tickets for everybody (my brother sent me money). And then I informed them. Okay here I admit I was a bit too reckless, but I knew if I asked first this trip would never happen. And I was too desperate for a minute. Now my dad is like, how can u be so ignorant, don't u know our finances are extremely tight, we aren't in a situation to afford traveling. And now I'm feeling like shit. Cuz I've already told my mom and sister and they're excited so I cant cancel this either. And I really want this. We've never gone out like this as a family in YEARS. The only time we go out is when my dad wants to go to a relatives wedding or some stupid function. Can someone pls tell me what to do rn. I feel like shit. But at the same time I feel like one day away from that house will do everybody so much good. They'll feel a lot better. I cant seem to understand why my dad never understands when I try to explain how much emotions affect quite literally EVERYTHING. Every fibre of my being wants this one day trip to happen. I just feel like this trip would feel like medicine to both my mom and sister due to the suffocation and stress and depression they feel in that house everyday. Can someone pls tell me if im being a complete asshole by neglecting the financial situation? Like just be honest, im not looking for anyone to tell im right for doing this, just tell me what I should feel about this or go about it. I'm having so much anxiety.