I Wish I Had Never Gotten Married or Had Kids
I (39M) have a son (4yrs) and daughter (18mos) with my wife (37F). I am the only breadwinner, and I work 12 hours a day almost every weekday, and probably 12 hours every other weekend. I live in constant anxiety of getting laid off/replaced by AI at work, and my last raise, despite a "superb" performance rating was 3%, while in the same year my health insurance premium went up 15%. After work, I generally have to either pick up dinner, which I can't really afford, or cook, because my wife is too busy. On the weekends I'm not working I usually mow the lawn, which I hate, do the dishes, and clean the house. My wife constantly complains about my hours, and says I don't help out enough around the house. She also has insinuated that she thinks I am having an affair (I'm not and I never have).
My son is nonverbal autistic. He basically communicates by yelling and pointing at things. I am starting to strongly suspect my daughter is autistic too, because she doesn't talk or even baby babble. Her doctor wants her to do speech therapy, but I honestly don't see the point. My son has been in speech therapy since he was two, and all we have to show for it is the bills, it seems. I'm sure it's stressful to have to deal an autistic 4 year old all day in addition to a toddler, and it's probably my fault since I'm probably on the spectrum and was never diagnosed and gave my kuds my shitty autism genes, but that doesn't make me any less frustrated with my life. I honestly just wish I had never met my wife. Being alone kind of sucked, but I didn't hate every minute of my life then.
I can't ever say any of this to my wife, of course. I was just thinking about it because she wants me to take her to an expensive local restaurant for Mother's Day, and I had to bite my tongue to avoid saying something shitty. I've just resigned myself to my life is going to be misery until I either gracelessly expire from old age, have a heart attack, or get replaced by AI and we all starve to death.