u/Kaiizen_77

1st year medical student here.

My exams are starting in 3 days , I'm struggling mentally and have a lot of family problems to deal with , along with constant physical exhaustion that never seems to go away. Each time I see my friends and classmates studying hard and doing this lecture or that I feel horribly stressed , I feel so behind , and my mental health goes down hill even more. I do study as much as I can , but it still isn't enough considering the amount of material I have to study.

I feel exhausted , can't afford to relax when my exams are starting, but also the more I push myself the worse it gets.

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.

Just wanted to let this out of my chest ,and maybe get some outside feedback since I've never spoken to anyone about this

For context I'm 19F , since I was a kid my father has always been emotionally unavailable.

As a kid he never hugged me himself , yet each time he comes to pick me up from school he gets angry if I don't hug him though he never thought me to do so.

As a 12 yo , I was 4th in my whole school, he didn't like that I wasn't 1st so he gave me the silent treatment, he never looked or spoke to me for months because of that .

When my cat was dying he told me to let him take it so he can throw it somewhere far away because it was meawing too loudly while in pain and dying.

He always glorified medical school, but the moment I got accepted in it he was telling others about how it's not that good of an option and I should have chosen something else. Didn't look happy for me , to the point that random people were upset in my place because of how he was acting.

He also threatened to marry me off to someone during a conflict with my mom.

And many many other things.

Since I was a kid I had the sense that the moment I do something wrong or fall short in anything he'll abandon me without a second thought , or he will tell me to go kill myself (which I've seen him say to my siblings)

Just needed to let this out , if there is any care in his view of me it's mostly not because he loves me but because he loves how I make him look in other people's eyes when I do well or achieve something he can brag about to others , but never more than that .

And I think though I always knew that , I needed to say it to finally accept it .

Anything you feel like women don't get , or misunderstand about men ? Something to keep in mind while interacting with them ?

Would really appreciate a different perspective to what we might not see as women.