60th day:
I brought back the ichor bucket and placed it in front of the big hole that Pama left. I can’t see the end of it. I grabbed my knife, but there was nothing to carve.
I called for Pama and my voice just echoed in the empty space.
Never realized that the wind makes noise. It’s so quiet now.
61st day:
I brought a fresh bucket of Ichor and placed it where Pama was.
I still have tears to keep me full.
62nd day:
I gnawed some bones that I had left from Pama.
I am so hungry.
63rd day:
I used my measure tape to draw more lines on the wall, above the ones that were already there. I marked down the height from the floor, and now I know my height.
Pama likes those lines. I yell loudly into the hole that there are new lines and numbers on the wall.
I can’t hear Pama crying.
Maybe I got the other numbers wrong.
64th day:
I read a story very loud to the hole.
65th day:
The well is making fun of me.
I talked to Mewell and told it I was hungry among other things.
“Did the well put you up to this?” Mewell asked, mocking me. I guess that was called for. “There’s plenty at the bottom of the well,” it said. “Come see! Just another step.”
Not today, well. Not today.
66th day:
I took one step into the hole today and it made my back feel tingly. It almost felt like going into the ground before I got my other eye. I tried calling Pama from here, but I can’t make it very loud anymore. There are less echos every time I try.
68th day:
I scratched the floor that was soaked with Pama’s grime to make a sort of porridge using the sawdust. It was really bad.
I also ate some of the candles that I made with Pama’s fat, so I had my belly full for now. But I didn’t like it.
70th day:
Since I’m waiting for Pama to return, there’s not much to do. I spend the day sitting by the well, despite them being mean to me. The white eyes that remained are wise to my tricks now, so that fun is over too.
“What do you think the white eyes taste like, Mewell?” I ask. It didn’t answer.
I know they both want me to step closer, they keep repeating that. I know how they must feel, though. They are probably just as hungry.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
How did it go?
I don’t really know. Father has been strange lately. Stranger than usual, which is saying something.
We don’t talk as often. Me being busy at work, and him well… you know what happened to mom.
I hesitated a bit by the door of his apartment. I could feel the smell of smoke and cheap alcohol from there. I’m surprised they keep him in the scouting parties. He’s an ace at work somehow.
What’s gotten into him this time?
That’s what I was about to find out. They recovered some… I don’t know if I should be saying this over the phone, actually. The point is, there are some documents he made copies of, and he’s been reading them over and over for days.
He was sitting on the balcony, drinking as usual and taking in the scenery of the Citadel. The papers were scattered on the coffee table, and the apartment was a mess.
We chatted for a bit, then we had an argument about his life, then we shouted. Then we were calm again. Like always.
“You know,” he said, “I’m glad you were born after the world went to shit.”
I asked him what that was supposed to mean.
He laughed into his drink.
“Not because I wouldn’t want you to see how it was. It was beautiful, yes. But beauty leaves a mark. Once you’ve seen it, everything after feels like mourning.”
He took another drink despite my protests. “What a horrible day that was,” he muttered.“The day we pissed off Atlas.”
I didn’t ask what he meant. Wanting to change the subject I asked about the documents that he was reading so obsessively.
He looked over the Citadel again, and asked. “You know what gives me hope?”
“No?” I replied curiously.
He looked back at the documents. “No matter how badly the world flips, breaks, rots, starves, floods, burns, or dies…”
He pressed his lips into an almost-smile.
“Humans will always find a way to survive.”
__________________________________________________________________________________________
71st day:
Today I went into the hole.