Essentially I am having trouble on deciding whether I want to drop out of law school or not. I am just finishing up my 2L year. My 1st year I failed 2 classes, one I had to retake this past fall and failed again (will have to be taken again) and another I was retaking this semester (status unknown yet as I just took the exam). I know you’re probably like why would you drop out so close to finishing, here’s the thing:
I have really bad anxiety and stress. I always have but it increases 10x due to law school. I also have test anxiety. This obviously does not help with added anxiety and stress during exam time and makes so at times I literally cannot get myself to study because I’m panicking about everything. If you’re like that sounds lazy just do it please understand that I try. I will tell myself okay I HAVE to study and do this but it’s like I physically cannot do it, I don’t know how else to describe it except the feeling of knowing I have to and trying to do so but it’s like I can’t make myself. When I am able to I usually end up panicking in able to focus or unable to focus for periods longer than a couple hours. I have no idea how my classmates study for 8+ hours a day.
I have pretty much always had anxiety and stress. But it never affected me this much in undergrad. I also did well in undergrad (I hate the curved grading system).
This leads to more recently when while thinking about everything: how I feel like I’m definitely not passing all my classes this semester, how I don’t know how I’ll handle the rest of law school and taking certain classes, how I really don’t want to continue to live my life always feeling so stressed out and on the edge. I really feel like I’m not living and I’m just not happy like this. I’m currently enrolled in 10 credits for this summer to try and catch up so I don’t need an additional semester to graduate and I’m not looking forward to that. That’s assuming I pass everything this semester also, if not I will need at least one additional semester, and the thought of that just brings up so much distress that I can’t even really describe it but saying that it makes me feel trapped and like I want to scream and cry. I know a lot of people will be like it’s only temporary and then you’re good but it doesn’t feel like that. It doesn’t even feel worth that. It’s also not true because then it’s the bar exam. I just don’t know that even if I were to pass everything and graduate that it would be worth all the misery. I look at other people online in different schooling/careers and I’m always like wow they seem so happy…that could be me. I know you can’t trust online because you don’t see everything but my point is that it seems like the cause of all my distress would go away without law school.
I’ve been looking at different jobs I could do with my bachelor’s degree and I’ve found enough different things that pay well enough and I think I could be happy. My boyfriend said he will support me with whatever decision I make, and emphasizes it’s my choice because it’s my life.
A few issues:
My family may lose their minds. My dad especially is going to be pissed. He’ll tell me to just finish and I’ll be set. He won’t understand that it feels like it’s killing me to stay. My other family will be less mad but I’m sure they’ll all be wondering how I could do that, especially a year away from finishing (potentially). I’m really worried about what everyone will think. In a way I have always been expected to do well because I always did very well in school. All of my family was very proud of me getting my bachelor’s and going to law school. One cousin even told me they were glad that “one of us was doing something with their lives.” I know it shouldn’t bother me but it does. It feels like I’ll be letting everyone down. And the things people will say about me. That I’m a failure, a quitter, etc.
Another issue with everything is that coming up is my apartment lease renewal, I need to let them know if I’m not renewing by next week. If I don’t take summer classes then I cannot afford my apartment without the money I get for school. I told myself if I don’t fail more than one class maybe I should stay, but I won’t know this until beginning/mid June as that’s when grades typically come out. I’d have to break my lease if I end up dropping out ($4,000) as I don’t plan on staying in the area if I’m not going to school here.
I’m just so conflicted on what to do. I think in my heart I know but I can’t actively acknowledge that without further thinking and advice.
I appreciate any actual advice anyone has to share.
TLDR: 2L and I want to drop out of law school because it makes me miserable and I had a recent I don’t want to do this anymore and probably will need to be in school for another year and a half. I’m worried what others will think and how they will react.
Edit: I am currently on anxiety medication and this semester was my first with exam accommodations. I also just recently started counseling through the school.