I just need to put this out into the world and I don’t want to keep burdening my friends and family all the time.
The last two years have just been one new problem after the other. Some fully unrelated to my actual diagnosis. Two cancer scares. Gallbladder removal at the same time as passing 5 kidney stones per kidney one of which was 10mm. Hospitalizations. Failed port replacement because the old port grafted into my body and so I had to go through two surgeries to remove the old failed port and one to put a new port in. I got the flu and it lasted for almost a month and a half and I missed an inflectra infusion which sent my RA into a tailspin. I had a radio frequency ablation done last week and got cellulitis.
I haven’t felt even okay in two years. I just need a break from everything going wrong for like a week. The fatigue is off the charts. My depression is as high as it’s been in years. I’m just so tired. I lost a cat and a dog from unexpected health conditions last year and I’m still devastated.
And I know I’ll get through it and things will get better. I’ve never been suicidal and am not now. I do wish I could just sleep for a few weeks though.
My family and friends are amazing and they support me and love me and have been through it all with me but I just don’t want to keep piling on them all the time. I know they hate that I’m suffering. I just want to give them a break too. So here I am ranting on the internets. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read through this.