Hi everyone,
TL;DR first: Financially independent and out of the house, but struggling to build a genuine community after moving back home. Standard advice (classes, therapy) feels instrumental and hollow. Looking for advice from others (especially those still closeted) on how to build a fulfilling "home" of ones own.
Also, I remember there being a discord, is it still possible to join?
LONG POST:
I wanted to reach out to those of you who have successfully navigated the transition to financial independence and moved out of your family's home, specifically while perhaps still managing some level of secrecy or "closeted" status regarding your beliefs when it comes to family.
I recently moved back home after an internship which I pursued largely to try living independently and gain distance from my family. I'm lucky to have reached what felt unattainable before (a good job, financial independence, and my own apartment) but I'm hitting a wall regarding community. My old social circles (work, school) have partially fallen away leaving me feeling a bit adrift and lonely, and visitng my family which I generally end up doing to feel less lonely has been draining due to cultural/religious pressure. (I am also born and raised in the Nordics which overall is a great thing but I think might be holding me back socially?) I feel like I'm constantly "masking" in almost every interaction, which is exhausting.
My main question is how have you build a fulfilling, alternative social life once you left? When I first started exploring it was during my student years and other people were in a somewhat similar place, but now I feel left behind and alone.
I'm looking for advice on how to find/build a "home". Without the predefined structure of a religious community or a tight-knit family unit, how do you create a sense of belonging? I feel like I'm trying to build a "home" from scratch, but it feels very abstract.
I've done therapy before and the main thing is trying new things and meeting people. While it helps, I find myself back in this very same place. Lately, I've tried booking random classes and workshops to explore hobbies, hoping to meet people. However, it feels hollow and purely "instrumental", almost like I'm checking boxes to force a connection rather than finding genuine resonance. It feels like I'm performing "socializing" rather than actually connecting.
I'm not necessarily looking for "how to leave" advice (I have the means), but rather "how to stay and thrive" advice once you are physically independent but socially adrift. How do you build a life so that you have something worth getting out of the closet for?
Has anyone found a way to transition from "doing things to meet people" to actually finding a community that feels like a natural extension of who you are?
Thanks in advance for any wisdom or shared experiences.