My neighbours demolished my roof and destroyed my belongings
Hello! I'm here to complain and get some advice on how I can handle the situation. Sorry, this will be a long post. P.S. please excuse my English since it’s not my mother tongue.
For context, I (30F) live in a house that has 3 floors, and for each floor there is a different owner. So basically, the house is split into 3 apartments, and I have owned (not rented) mine on the 3rd floor for the past 12 years (important context for later).
When I first moved here, this house felt like heaven. I was getting along fantastically with my neighbours (67 M, 81 M, and 79 F), drinking my coffee every single day with them in the yard, having lunch or dinner at least once a week, etc. It was perfect—a match made in heaven. But then, long story short, they sold thei rapartments. First (6 years ago), the one on the ground floor (but that’s a story for another time), and then (7 months ago) the ones on the second floor (and these are the new neighbours I want to talk about today).
Everything went sideways about a month after they bought the apartment, around Christmas. I had hung a Christmas decoration on the entrance door that said “Merry Christmas” with some elves on it. A couple of days later, I found it turned around backwards, so logically I thought maybe the wind had turned it since it was small and easy to blow. I turned it back around and went on with my day. The next day when I got home, the ornament was completely gone, so I asked my new neighbours if they knew anything about it. The response was: “We thought we were clear yesterday when we turned it backwards that you should take it down. You can find it in the ditch by the side of the house.”
Instead of hanging it back up, I decided to put a letter on the door. A bit petty? Yes. Necessary? Also yes. This is what I wrote in the letter:
“Dear neighbours,
We would like to inform you that we feel bothered by the situation regarding the ornament which, since yesterday, you keep taking down. Throwing the ornament in the ditch represents hostile behaviour that has no place between neighbours. We do not find normal how you have handled this situation.
In this case, your attitude shows a lack of respect and tact. The best solution would have been to have a discussion where you expressed your point of view, preferences, or suggestions. There is always a way to reach a compromise or resolution. The lack of communication, or the avoidance of it, leads to tension and unpleasantness, and between neighbours, we do not believe this is appropriate.
In the hope of avoiding such situations in the future,
With respect,
(My fiancé and I)”
The next day, I got an angry phone call from my neighbour (Karen) that, in a nutshell, went like this:
Karen: Listen, child—and yes, I can call you child because you’re the same age as my son. (Her son is 18, I’m 30)
Me: Hello ma’am, no, we’re not the same age, but go ahead.
Karen: I saw your note and I find it disrespectful that you dare to have this attitude towards me given your age. If you don’t apologise to me, I’ll need to talk to your parents and tell them what you’ve done.
Me: Ma’am, regardless of what you think, please keep in mind that I’m 30 and my parents don’t have anything to do with my property.
Karen: I’m a teacher and, as a respected member of society, I have nothing to discuss with someone who celebrates a pagan festivity (referring to Christmas). I’m a Christian, and I find it bothering to see an ornament on the door that says “Merry Christmas.” Each time I come home, your ornament wishes me a Merry Christmas. What if I don’t want my Christmas to be merry?!
Well, it was a 20-minute phone call, but you get the idea. But guess what?! The next day she called my parents to complain about me with the exact same attitude.
Karen: You should be ashamed of your child because you raised her without any respect for adults. I’m 50-something years old and a teacher, so you should have taught her to respect people older than her and of my status.
My dad: First of all, my daughter is not a child, and second, I taught my daughter to respect people based on their behaviour and values, not based on age. My daughter has a PhD and works in a very respected field, and her fiancé is a university professor. They are some of the easiest people to get along with, so if you can’t, that’s a you problem, not theirs.
After this incident, it was quiet for a couple of months, so I thought that even if we started on the wrong foot, maybe we’d be able to get along eventually. But boy, was I wrong.
Here you’ll need some more context about the house. Each of us owns our apartments, and we have common spaces that we share equally (the yard, the hallway, and 2 storage rooms). Legally, we cannot split them (for example, we cannot put fences in the yard to divide it into 3), and any changes to the common areas have to be agreed upon unanimously by all 3 owners.
The problem is that to get to one of the storage rooms, one would have to pass through my apartment (bad arhitectural planning, but what can I do). Since I bought the place, there was a verbal agreement with the neighbours that I would use this storage room (since it’s not convenient to pass through my apartment each time), and I wouldn’t use the other storage space so they could have my share there.
Well, since Karen and her husband moved in, they have constantly demanded that I leave the door to my apartment unlocked or they will demolish it because they want to use the storage room inside my apartment. I explained that leaving my door constantly unlocked is not an option since I don’t plan to get robbed anytime soon, but if they want to use that storage, they can let me know and I can open the door for them anytime.
Karen’s response was: “That won’t work for me since I decided to move my entire wardrobe there, and I will need constant access to change my clothes. I can’t call you every time I want to enter. What if I want to go in there at 3 in the morning?! You’ll have to leave your door unlocked or I’ll sue you.”
I told her this will never happen and reminded her that demolishing my door would be destruction of property and very much illegal.
Now onto the latest update. For the past two weeks, my fiancé and I have been out of the country, and my mom has been helping by feeding our turtle and watering the plants at the apartment. Everything was normal at first, but last week when she arrived, the fu\*\*ing roof of the house was missing—just the part directly above the storage room inside our apartment.
Keep in mind I was storing a lot of things there (clothes, shoes, some furniture, luggage, appliances—my working fridge, as in plugged, is there—plus shelves with groceries like a small pantry). And now the roof above this room is gone. There is no ceiling in that room, so everything was exposed to the open air.
Needless to say, all my belongings are now covered in construction debris and soaking wet since it rained (luckily the house didn’t burn down because of the plugged-in refrigerator). You can imagine my shock when my mom video-called me.
I spoke with my neighbours (specifically Karen), and she said they had the right to do this since they wanted to renovate (and extend the roof to cover their terrace) due to a supposed leak. They also claimed that since they own part of that room, they are allowed to take such action. When I mentioned my destroyed belongings, they called it “collateral damage.”
The conversation ended with Karen saying that since they bought their apartment, they planned to buy mine for their son and that eventually it would all be theirs because I would be forced to sell. They even made me an offer at one-third of the market price after I told them I would never sell.
So first of all, since it’s a common area, they needed unanimous approval to make any changes (which is why they waited for us to be away). Second, they did all this without any construction permit (in my country it can take up to 2 years to get one).
My next move will be to file a legal complaint so they will be forced, after paying a fine, to restore the roof exactly as in the original plans. However, suing them for my destroyed belongings is not really an option since such cases take years in my country.
I need some advice on how I can handle this situation. I don’t want to sell (now more than ever), but to protect my peace and mental well-being, I’m thinking to move out and rent my apartment to the noisiest tenants I can find— preferably ones who love throwing big parties every weekend in the yard.
Thank you in advance!