u/Just_tiredcoco

I just got some news today. 2 of my husbands friends are having kids.

We were trying from last year but nothing happened. I think the stress that i was putting myself under and a viral infections pushed me to this.

I feel so bad for my husband because i know we both wanted kids and now i am not sure that i want one with this health or even if i want, will I be able to have or would it be selfish.

Life just feels unfair! So unfair! My heart breaks piece by piece everyday. The saddest part is that i am scared that this extreme emotion might cause a crash!

So I am in the waiting period to confirm POTs which will be done by June mid since 6 months of symptoms are mandatory.

I also think I developed CFS a month back. So I am extra cautious. Have scaled back on everything except work. I have WFH considerations till eom May. But I still need to work for one week on support calls once a month (on weekends for which I am not paid - but part of my contract) I have realised that I cannot work on weekends and be on calls the whole day so I messaged my manager asking for an excemption (she knows about my health issues) . She told me to ask the team if someone can pick my shift.

I feel so embarrassed and let down. I went to office for 2 days a week even when I had the pots diagnosis. Worked perfectly and I feel like a disappointment in her and me. I dont know what I was expecting.

I need to work at least till end of June to pay off some bills.

I just needed to vent. I will go now and ask the team.

PS : not a native english language speaker.