u/Jealous_Try2992

OK - I'll try to keep this concise.

I am a well-preserved, beautiful, financially stable 50F who people say look 40. (toot toot but facts)

My husband died 3yrs ago unexpectedly. We have a 10 and 12y/o. While traumatized, I've done a TON of work on myself (trauma therapy/rehab/counseling) -` that horrible occurrence was a strange gift to find the healthy place (except for that terrible loss) that I am now. It made me a better mother and person, tragically. My love for my him will never go away, but I am ready for companionship.

After 2 pseudo too-soon "relationships" in the wild (one : DV, the other : total stifling attachment) I had a long period of celibacy/loneliness as I came to peace with my family's circumstances.

I finally joined Hinge on my psychiatrist's recommendation (!). I met a great guy - not over his ex - all the chemistry and desire - but he just couldn't leave her (he had a hx as a swinger - also noted). DONE. Also MANY false starts.

One day I responded to a like - let's call him J - and we started funny chatting. We hit it off. I got my balls up finally and asked if he wanted to take it off the app - we exchanged numbers. The day after, J was off Hinge, inexplicably. We texted, made plans, kinda stood me up, a blizzard intervened the next time, we texted again Feb 14 (no meeting yet), then texted on and off. (I learned later he had lost his job and wasn't able to deal w/ Hinge at that moment. Valid.)

Me or he would randomly reach out, we'd chat, it would die. I looked at it like I would approach a friend - what's up? Did your cat come back? Are you a furry? A little flirting.. etc etc we'd joke around, then not chat for a week.

ANYWAY he FINALLY asked to meet again - we did make it happen- 4x in last 10 days: lunch walk, yoga next day w/3hr car chat (G rated), then dog walk 2 days later w/ 4hr coffee date (G rated). We laughed, shared..Good stuff!

I reached out LAST night to say let's hang again I had a great time and mentioned I didn't have kids so we went rock climbing (I don't suck), ate some food, he worked an uber prepickup for an hour and we met up again and walked alllll around downtown. Sober, chit chatting fun. I let him drive me to the river but didn't invite him to my house, not ready for that.

Yesterday I was chatting with him before our hang and sent him a pic of a guy with an enormous funnel cake. He said "Is that your other boyfriend?" (....?!)

We hung out till 1am last night (G rated, tho he put his hand on my back in his car and we had a nice hug w/ a peck lol, I felt chemistry) ... So I followed at 11AM today with a "Hey! Such a fun hang last night—my forearms are feeling it today. You're a total pro, thanks for being patient with me. 🥰"... and await a reply... anything. It's 8pm and NOTHING.

AN ASIDE: We have talked about my husband's death, he knows, and returned a deeply personal story of a woman he had dated on and off who had killed herself out of nowhere. So we've shared some heavy sh*t, and acknowledged each other for doing it. It's all been quIte mature.
So my questions are these:

1. This on and off, not answer texts right away, is this normal? I'm rusty.. Am I missing something? I do want more, but not tryna be pushy or eager either. We've been chatting since mid Feb, 4 dates.
2. When can I expect J to kiss me? I am old fashioned but also the take charge type. If I still drank I'd probably have kissed him already. I could have leaned in last night but.....What to do? How does this work?
3. I get good results w/ J when I throw out a few times for a hang since obv as a working single mom I'm terribly busy and he recognized that (I see you ppl saying I should not even consider dating right now... consider the kids - yes they've been through lots of therapy.. but Connection/Love is one of our basic Human Needs - see Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs). I just want a little more engagement sometimes. I also know it's still early and I was in a committed relationship where I didn't need to contend w/this. HALP!

That's all for now. Please, esteemed Redditors, be gentle.

Thank you for attending my TED talk.